Crossing the line: Erika's PUA bangfest

Lol, there has been this incredible clarity over the past 24 hours. Why didn't I see it before. It's so obvious.

I talked a few posts ago about "crossing the line." How to "be really whole, and all things will come to you" (sound like non-verbal seduction, btw?) ... we must integrate *all* of the perspectives and not be rigidly stuck in any one perspective.

Well ... of course. Duh. Why would a celibate girl be so attracted to the seduction community?

IT'S MY SHADOW.

So ... how do I integrate my Shadow.

I stop resisting it, and become it instead.

This means ... well, it's so obvious ... do I really need to explain it?

Erika must become a PUA.

This means ... a bangfest, with lots of casual sex that doesn't "mean anything."

The exact opposite of the rigid perspective I've been living inside of ...

A full on 180.

Maybe I also won't care about feelings either. Lol. I'll try being really "logical" for a change. Lol.

Oh, this is going to be fun. I actually did something similar to this in college, and was very successful with it. Ironically, I was not interested in a relationship, and everyone wanted to have a relationship with me.

Justin and I are heading up to Tahoe this morning for a couple of days at the cabin and (if there's snow) skiing. I *adore* skiing. I love the super steeps. I love to go really, really fast. It feels like flying :)

Integrating the Shadow: Erika's promiscuous phase begins ...

Waiting for J to arrive for our evening of tandem sarging, and ...

All right, well, enough talk of Shadow Selves and electric fences.

Sometimes if you want a change, you gotta shake things up.

If I'm going to integrate these unhelpful karmas and get past this crap, then I'm going to need to do what I did with every other area of my life that got cleaned up ...

Face the Dark Side head on ...

Thus, I am declaring celibacy over as of tonight.

Keep your double standards to yourself. If we're going to have polyamory, that means the women are going to be polyamorous, too (it's simple symmetry, Burning Man Guy, so please keep your "he's just going to be jerking off inside you" comments to yourself, lol -- perhaps you are projecting :-p).

Plus, after my request for tandem sarging partners, I received offers from four different guys who are all outstanding prospects.

So ... this means ... I'm setting an intention to have sex with five guys in the next month.

Phew, that feels edgy even saying out loud.

But sometimes to integrate the Shadow, we have to go to the opposite extreme for a while.

I also feel kinda excited. Between now and Vegas, these are some very hot guys :)

Mmmmm, this could be fun. Stay tuned ... ;)

*******************

Oh, and I need your support, dear blog readers. Do you realize how easy it's going to be for me to chicken out if I don't have your support? So please ... make yourselves useful ... help me conquer my fears ... :)

Tantra is not just for hippies anymore ...

And it looks like there's going to be some tandem sarging and threesomes this weekend.

That's all the energy I have to write right now ...

Lol :-p

The End of Separation

Famous quotation from the Tao:

"Be really whole, and all things will come to you."

What does this mean in practical terms?

I've often said that seduction is a way of transcending the separation.

To be really whole and transcend separation, we must see everything from all sides.

Every brother or sister who shows up on your doorstep (or in your email box or texts) is a gift. He or she is giving you an opportunity to see another side of yourself.

You have two choices: reject the opportunity (in which case a similar situation will occur over and over again in your life until you make a different choice) or find a way to see yourself in him or her, find a way to help each other.

I am frustrated with the community in its often one-sidedness. I go on Rori's blog and see women riffing on their own feelings, which is great, but I see almost no empathy for men there. On the men's blogs, I see men becoming more empowered with women, which is great, but I see almost no empathy for women there.

This will not work. The only way for us to have truly harmonious, rich relationships is to see all sides, not from a logical perspective, but from an emotional one.

So ... easy way to practice this, is switch roles.

If you've been resisting someone's perspective, find something you can sincerely appreciate about their perspective instead.

If you've been the pursued, switch to being the pursuer.

If you are always the giver in a relationship, ask the other person to give to you.

If you've continued to say no to someone else's requests, reach deep inside yourself to the place that actually wants to say yes.

If you are always the teacher, allow yourself to be the student.

People will be amazed that when they allow themselves to step fully and completely into the other person's shoes, often they will be shocked at what they discover about themselves. And it becomes almost impossible to judge the other person at that point.

In NVC, we call this "crossing the line."

Do whatever it takes, today, to heal the separations in your life. This is the key to having everything we want.

"Be really whole, and all things will come to you."

Impasse: Inviting a quantum leap

Well, in spite of all efforts to get this show back on the road again, I find myself back in the space I was in when I went on strike in late October. At an impasse. Which is an invitation for a quantum leap.

I've stepped off a lot of hamster wheels. My feminine energy seems to be in full effect. Here are the needs that need to get met:

1. Emotional support: permanent partnership. I don't want to start over. Someone out there will need to step up to the plate. I'm only interested in investing my energy in relationships that are enduring and deeply connected.

2. Technical/marketing support: I don't feel called to do the marketing/technical side of this stuff, yet I need this to have a sustainable business. It's a masculine energy thing. I need a masculine energy guy. My feminine energy wants to write, teach, and do EFT. My feminine energy wants a man who will protect and provide for me.

3. Community: I feel distressed by the state of the community right now. It seems to be mired in conflict. Guys are learning how to connect with women from men who often do not have the skills to have deeper relationships. Guys who don't know how to handle real emotions. What good is it going to do a guy to get phone numbers and even get sex if he still isn't able to have happy, harmonious relationships? You've got gurus who are mega-reactive, mega-judgmental, and deal with conflicts via the "silent treatment." I'm not judging anyone, but this isn't working and it feels very painful, so it's time for me to step back from it and get some perspective.

4. Seduction: My feminine energy still very much wants to be seduced. But only in the context of a super-conscious relationship. This whole "have sex with her and then figure things out" approach doesn't work long term. I've come to realize that the practice of teaching seduction without having an equal commitment to the well-being of the women one is seducing is not something I'm ok with at all. Notwithstanding Neil's book, this is not a "game." We are dealing with real live human beings, and under the laws of karma, any pain inflicted on others will boomerang on oneself. We've got gurus who think they can escape what they got themselves into by disconnecting and not communicating, but it's not true. Disconnection doesn't solve anything. What disconnection does is invite karma to keep revisiting you over and over again until the lesson is finally learned. Yet I don't see the community teaching people how to stay connected and restore harmony. I'm not sure where this leaves me vis-a-vis the community. I need to step back to get some perspective on this.

It feels like an impasse on a number of fronts. There is no way forward in any direction, which suggests that the only way out of it is some sort of quantum leap. All the efforts I've been making feel like more hamster wheeling. I'm going to stop. I don't really feel like doing any of it anymore. I don't think the impasse situation is necessarily a "bad" thing, but it doesn't feel right to me to do things the linear, conventional wisdom way.

It may very well be that all the EFT I've been doing has "collapsed" so many old beliefs that it has paved the way for a quantum leap. I don't know, but it wouldn't surprise me.

My regular EFT practice will continue as normal. I remain committed to this work and to my clients.

Tandem Sarging and New EFT Audio re Polyamory Etc.

Hey everyone,

I'm about to jump in the shower because Johnny and I are going tandem sarging. Lol :-p ... It really is amazing how my sense of humor came back ...

Before I go, here is another audio from Gayla and me.

As with the other audios, you can tap along to borrow benefits. Learn to tap by checking out my free video and other resources on my FAQ page.

Topics covered in this audio include:

1. Releasing sexual shame and cultural baggage (such as Adam and Eve stories) - do I really need to keep suffering over and over again for eating the apple? Fuck no.

2. Releasing inner conflicts about polyamory ... and sharing our feelings about harmonious polyamorous relationships.

3. Releasing inner conflicts about patriarchy, feminism, and what exactly the Divine Masculine and Feminine energies look like anyway. This is a continuation of our tapping about gender role confusion in an earlier audio.

Hope you enjoy it :)

EFT Audio re Sexual Shame/Guilt, Polyamory, Masculine/Feminine Energies

If you'd like to set up a personal tapping session with me, please see my coaching page.

******************

Oh crap, we forgot to tap on that Mary was supposedly a virgin. Give me a break ... I'm putting that one down for the next EFT session.

Girly feelings ...

This morning I finally got my new iPhone 3Gs, and it is so beautiful and so fast. I love it. Almost $500. Didn't pay a penny. Thank you, Mysterious Benefactor Guy :)

Then I did a powerful EFT session with someone, and we released a lot of negative energies, including generations' worth of ancestral karma. We invited in a generous helping of self-love and self-acceptance.

Now, it's cold and rainy outside, and I'm cozied up in my silky down comforter, propped up on pillows. Everything has softened so much in my life. I feel soft and loving of the whole world and everyone in it. I feel like I don't remember what anger feels like, in this moment. I'm relaxed. I feel forgiving. I feel receptive and open and adorable.

I would so love for a really powerful masculine energy man to come to me right now and make love to me for the rest of the day and into tomorrow :) I just want to lay in bed and be adored.

So yes, I'm in a very sensual mood. I need a passport photo and I don't like those horrible passport photos at the regular shops. One thing I'd like is having a photo shoot on location with one of those sensual boudoir photographers. I found this website (no, not affiliated with them in any way, just find her work beautiful). If any girlies out there would be interested in her January Vegas sitting and want to do this as a feminine sensual energy experience, please email me.

Gayla and I are planning to do another EFT audio, possibly on sexual issues, releasing unhelpful cultural conditioning and so forth, later today. And supposedly I'm going out with *someone* this evening. Stay tuned ... :)

Embracing Your Shadow, in a nutshell - magical three-step exercise

I get a lot of questions about Shadow work, which I've written several articles about, most recently here on the Spiritual Seduction site.

This may be one of the most powerful and under-utilized methods of transformation that is available to us.

Your entire life will transform, rapidly, if you do nothing else but adopt this habit:

1. Every time you feel triggered by anyone or anything (meaning, you have feelings like this: annoyed, judgmental, irritated, disconnected, angry, ferocious, withholding), notice it.

2. Notice how the mind wants to make it "about" the other person (i.e., he or she is so needy, long-winded, critical, dishonest, high-maintenance, self-absorbed, etc.).

3. Immediately, as quickly as you can catch yourself, ask yourself: where in my life am I doing/saying/being exactly what I don't like about this person? Sometimes the answer is not immediately obvious (that's when the Shadow has the most power over us), but keep searching.

I can almost guarantee, because it works 90 plus percent of the time, that when you find the place in yourself that is doing or saying or acting like the person you're annoyed with, and you fully accept that you are no different from the person you're distancing yourself from, the other person will change. The "annoying" behavior will disappear.

So ask yourself, "where in my life am I being needy, judgmental, angry, unforgiving, cruel, critical, stubborn, annoying? where in my life am I doing or saying or being exactly the way I don't want this other person to be?"

If I want someone to forgive me, and they won't, where am I being unforgiving? If I am annoyed that someone is disconnecting, where am I disconnecting?

This little Shadow exercise is not "easy" because it requires full self responsibility for everything we don't like in the world, but it is possibly more powerful than anything else I teach on this blog. The "annoying" people in our lives will change, and we will change, because we will notice when we are not following the Golden Rule, and we'll change what we are doing.

How I got my sense of humor back ... ;)

Wow, the past few weeks have been amazing! Major energetic shifts on several fronts. I feel light and happy again. My sense of humor has returned. I'm excited for Johnny Soporno's workshop in Vegas in January because I get to see a bunch of my favorite guys.

I attribute this new lightness to the deeper work I've been doing over the past couple of months. Essentially I looked at my life at any and all areas that were not yet feeling clear (old conflicts and such), and then in many cases I contacted the people who had been involved with those situations (even if the incidents were many years ago), used some radical honesty, and got really present with whatever icky feelings arose.

This included several former lovers, my parents, my siblings, and a number of friends.

There's a conventional wisdom that says "I don't need the other person (whether that other person is a former lover, a parent, and old friend, or anyone else) to resolve a conflict or situation. I can find peace about it all by myself." At some level, that's true. But remember Emotional Freedom Technique works best when we are able to tune in fully to whatever emotions were triggered by a specific incident. I have found that actually having a conversation with the other person or people who was/were involved is enormously helpful for stirring those old emotions back up again so they can be cleared. It's not that I'm looking to punish or blame the other person, as that would not be in line with an intention of healing. It's not that I'm looking for the other person to give me something to make me whole again either, because nothing outside of ourselves can save us. It's that talking with them gives me access to the emotions within myself that is a deeper form of access than I am able to get doing this by myself.

This process of digging up old unresolved hurts, having these honest conversations, and doing EFT on the feelings that come up is turning out to be enormously healing, regardless of the other person's response. I feel much clearer and much lighter. What I'm noticing, too, is that it is resulting in true forgiveness. Whereas before I may have had trouble letting go of an old grudge, now after doing this process, I often no longer even remember what I was upset about. My mind doesn't "go there" anymore, so there is no longer any impulse to rehash anything. And there will no longer be any karmic baggage to carry into new relationships.

This is liberation, both for me and the other person! :)

Another really powerful way for people to clear this stuff out is to do tapping *with* the other person. This is a huge relief for both people, as both have an opportunity to say everything they need to say and release it within the safety of tapping (which helps buffer conversations by preventing energy from getting stuck -- no more intractable conflicts). This is another area I am experimenting with recently and hope to share with you all soon about my insights.

Hamster wheels, mixed feelings about marketing, and expansion of sexual healing offer

If you listened to yesterday's audio, you may have noticed my "hamster wheel" reference. This is a term I use to describe situations where our ego has enticed us to believe, on a continuing basis, sometimes for years, that we're "about to" get something we want, if we will only just "change this or tweak that."

This is the antithesis of self-love and self-acceptance, which knows that we are already perfect in this moment.

This topic dovetails with my mixed feelings about marketing, which I've talked about before, both here and on Entropy's blog.

Ever noticed how often the marketing pitches (both within the pickup artist community and outside of it) are enticing you to stay on the "hamster wheel"? "I'm going to teach you these ten secrets, and then you will have [insert desired object here]."

I feel ambivalent about this because a lot of what I'm teaching is actually about getting off the hamster wheel. We don't need more techniques and rules. We need fewer. We need empty space, the kind of empty space that comes from meditating, tapping, and otherwise *doing nothing* ... lol :)

But how do we market "doing nothing"? How do we market inner peace? How do we market freedom from wanting to do or obtain anything? Hehe, this idea makes me smile. The art of marketing the art of doing nothing. Hmmm ...

And yet ... and yet ... the great paradox ... presence comes from empty space. And presence, my friends, is the key to seduction. It is also the key to single, congruent thoughts that effortlessly create what we want in our lives and our world.

It simply is not possible to be present or congruent when the monkey mind is relentlessly jabbering on and on about new rules and techniques and pickup lines. It is not possible to be present or congruent if you are constantly running around thinking up new things to do and new things to say. There's too much static.

On a related note re marketing ... Ever notice how the "typical" internet marketing pitch these days is empathy-based? All written trying to show you that the seller "understands" your problem. I feel uncomfortable with that too. It doesn't feel authentic to me. Empathy for me is a way to connect, not a way to entice people to buy something. If I have a motive and am looking to achieve a certain outcome, the empathy doesn't feel pure.

Seriously, is anyone else feeling "done" with that model of marketing? I'm opening up space for a new approach to be shown to me.

I also don't like people making decisions motivated by fear. How about this one? "sign up today, folks, this offer won't be around tomorrow." Do I need urgency to buy things? Not really. When I think of the things I buy in the course of a year, very few of them involve time deadlines. I go to healers when I feel called to go. I buy things I need when I need them.

Not long ago, I actually declined to give a prospective client a deadline to sign up with me at a certain price because I could feel fear in his vibe. How can I feel good about someone paying me money out of fear? (He did end up signing up later, but ultimately he signed up from an energetic place that felt good to both of us.)

Perhaps these are limiting beliefs, but I feel better about the idea of clearing out my own blocks to receiving, and seeing who shows up on my doorstep. I feel better about opening up space for a new marketing paradigm that feels better.

****************************************

Anyway, all that said, here's a marketing pitch for you (lol :-p): I had a few requests to expand my sexual healing special EFT session offer to include "tapping for cash." The offer expires tomorrow at 5 pm Pacific time, but if you'd like to use the one hour session for erasing financial limiting beliefs rather than sexual healing, that would be fine. Just sign up here and let me know you want to tap for cash instead of sexual healing.

Please don't sign up out of fear of "losing" this opportunity. I'm sure inspiration will lead me to offer other opportunities in the future. But if you feel called to work with me, this is a good deal. My tapping sessions often pay for themselves :)

Cheers,
Erika