This has been a frequent topic of conversation among my friends lately, so I decided to articulate the reasons here. It has been over four years that I've been celibate. It's to the point now where I won't even make out with a guy. I still love hugging, cuddling, holding hands. Basically anything that I'd be willing to do with anyone and publicly as an expression of affection is still fair game.
To be clear, I love men. I spend a lot of time with men. And I still feel that primal sensual energy that I used to channel into dating and sex. (I love women, too, btw.)
Why why why be celibate? That is the question I get all the time. Even devoted readers of A Course in Miracles ask me about this. So here goes:
1. There is no pleasure without pain.
Many people think that bodily pleasure is harmless. By now, I disagree. "This world" is a world of duality. If you want bodily pleasure, you must accept pain. That is not a price that I am willing to pay anymore.
2. The search for bodily pleasure keeps us trapped in the Matrix.
A Course in Miracles teaches: "It is impossible to seek for pleasure through the body and not find pain. It is essential that this relationship be understood, for it is one the ego sees as proof of sin. It is not really punitive at all. It is but the inevitable result of equating yourself with the body, which is the invitation to pain. For it invites fear to enter, and become your purpose. The attraction of guilt must enter with it, and whatever fear directs the body to do is therefore painful. It will share the pain of all illusions, and the illusion of pleasure will be the same as pain."
3. What did sex ever give me that lasted more than a moment and ended up being worth anything?
4. When sexual politics are removed from relationships, they become fun again. There is no agenda. There is total freedom to connect in the moment. There is true emotional intimacy and peace and joy.
5. Sex is by its nature exclusionary. I don't see any way to participate in it without choosing among my brothers. And I'm no longer willing to choose among my brothers, because we are all equals and the same. My goal is to love everyone equally.
6. I want out of the Matrix, and letting go of bodily goals and the search for pleasure is, indeed, the only way out ...
Mark my words, sex is going the way of the manual typewriter, the eight-track cassette, and men wearing wigs and knickers. One day very soon we will all be scratching our heads wondering why we bothered with such an awkward, silly, angst-ridden activity. ;-)