I have sometimes said that my nickname for A Course in Miracles (ACIM) is "God's Ultimate Guide to Inner Game." I've also said that ACIM undergirds everything I teach about seduction. Indeed, it's one of the most seductive books I've ever read ;-)
Anyway, this morning I was reminded of an ACIM quotation that for me sums up the essence of "reframing," which is a term the seduction community uses frequently.
In any situation in which you are uncertain, the first thing to consider, very simply, is "What do I want to come of this? What is it for?" The clarification of the goal belongs at the beginning, for it is this which will determine the outcome. In the ego's procedure this is reversed. The situation becomes the determiner of the outcome, which can be anything. The reason for this disorganized approach is evident. The ego does not know what it wants to come of the situation. It is aware of what it does not want, but only that. It has no positive goal at all.
Without a clear-cut, positive goal, set at the outset, the situation just seems to happen, and makes no sense until it has already happened. Then you look back at it, and try to piece together what it must have meant. And you will be wrong. Not only is your judgment in the past, but you have no idea what should happen. No goal was set with which to bring the means in line. And now the only judgment left to make is whether or not the ego likes it; is it acceptable, or does it call for vengeance? The absence of a criterion for outcome, set in advance, makes understanding doubtful and evaluation impossible.
The value of deciding in advance what you want to happen is simply that you will perceive the situation as a means to make it happen. You will therefore make every effort to overlook what interferes with the accomplishment of your objective, and concentrate on everything that helps you meet it. It is quite noticeable that this approach has brought you closer to the Holy Spirit's sorting out of truth and falsity. The true becomes what can be used to meet the goal. The false becomes the useless from this point of view. The situation now has meaning, but only because the goal has made it meaningful.
I've heard Sinn say to ignore what doesn't help you. Isn't that what ACIM is saying? "You will therefore make every effort to overlook what interferes with the accomplishment of your objective." But I'd even go a step farther and say that most things that seem like they "don't help you" (and this goes for anything in life) can be reframed in your mind as something that helps you meet your objective.
ACIM also says:
To forgive is merely to remember only the loving thoughts you gave in the past, and those that were given you. All the rest must be forgotten. Forgiveness is a selective remembering, based not on your selection.
Ah yes, forgiveness is the ultimate form of reframing :-) So reframing looks forward (helping us fulfill our intentions) and it also looks backwards (reframing memories and helping us remember the past in a positive light).
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is great for this, too. Once negative emotions are expressed and released using EFT, the mind often spontaneously reframes whatever issue is being addressed. It's quite magical!
When we get in the habit of reframing, we are literally retraining the Reticular Activation System (RAS) in our brain, and we will tend to see more and more of what we want, and less and less of what we don't want. It's too long a discussion for this article, but this is part of why dating a lot of people is helpful. It provides a more fluid environment for the brain to start picking up new positive occurrences, whereas often in a monogamous relationship situation people's brains get stuck in a patterned rut.
People don't always understand why I talk about ACIM in the seduction context. As I see it, guys with really good "game" are literally creating miracles. They get results with women that seem to most people to be "impossible." Combine that with ACIM's win/win, abundance and happiness-oriented mindset, and it makes all the sense in the world to talk about the two things together.