Be forewarned, this is a little bit of a rant.
Yes, I am a little frustrated right now with one of my girlfriends. Actually, it could be any number of girls that I know, so I'll write this up as a composite anonymous scenario. Here goes:
Girl gets into exclusive but not permanently committed relationship with guy. Girl stops going out and meeting new guys. Girl has it in her mind that she can't be truly happy until she is married with children, and decides she must marry THIS guy. Meanwhile, Guy drags his feet about committing to her. As time goes on, each time I see her, she seems increasingly unhappy. Yet she still won't go out and meet other guys (not even socially). She has to be with this ONE guy, even though she's not happy with him and always upset with him. She has convinced herself that WHEN they get married, all the unhappiness will magically be fixed. Girl and Guy become increasingly resentful of each other. Negative feelings build and build. Girl finally gives Guy an ultimatum: marry her or else. Guy bails on the relationship altogether. Girl is miserable and spends weeks or months crying before finally starting the whole cycle all over again with a new guy.
This one-itis, scarcity mindset drives me insane. All a girl needs to ask herself is one question: am I happy right now? Not ... will I be happy in the future IF this guy commits to me? Am I happy right now, and if not, what can I do RIGHT NOW to fix that problem? (And the answer may very well be breaking up with the guy and getting herself out there to meet people!)
I was that girl once. But not anymore. The scarcity mindset baffles me because in my life now, I find myself on a regular basis being the only girl among entire groups of sexy men ... many of whom would be fun to explore with on a deeper level. This happened at Burning Man, it happened in Las Vegas and Los Angeles, it happens skiing at Squaw Valley, and most recently it happened on Friday night.
On Friday night, I went out with a guy who has been in my life for three or four years. I'll call him Mr. Big Guy (in honor of Mr. Big from Sex and the City and also because he happens to be 6'4" and 240 pounds ;-). We went out to Le Colonial for drinks and then to a strip club. And as happens a lot to me lately, it ended up being me and about 10 guys (cuz we had Mr. Big Guy's group and then we ran into a couple more guys I knew at the club). How can women say there aren't enough men? There are amazing sexy men everywhere!
And now this is how we meander into commentary on the value of persistence in dating. So Mr. Big Guy and I have been solidly in the friend zone most of the time we've known each other. We have tons of interests in common, our spiritual bent and skiing among them, and have kept in touch regularly. Over the past six months, he has been an amazing friend to me. He follows the blog, he watches out for me, and he has been steadily persistent with me.
Anyway, kind of out of nowhere on Friday night ... I suddenly felt a LOT of chemistry between us. He felt the shift too. Attraction is such a funny thing. It literally came out of nowhere. But to me it shows the value of persistence. Sinn and I were talking about this the other day too. Persistence shows sincerity. It builds a deeper connection over time. And it requires solid inner game to be steadily persistent, because it means a guy is accepting the girl wherever she is at, not taking things personally, and not letting it affect his course of action. When a man who is centered consistently communicates his desire for me over time in a detached-from-the-outcome kind of way, I often find it irresistibly sexy.
Ok next post will probably be another one on Deep Comfort Game and Connection Guy. Btw, a couple of you guessed correctly who he is ... to me it seems so obvious ;-)