. . . . "We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness" . . . .
A Blog Devoted to Seduction and Spirituality
Well, you've shown us quite a journey, I have to say. I hope you continue to do so.Can I ask, having read what you've written on relationships and A Course in Miracles, why you believe in marriage? And more importantly, what do you believe in, regarding marriage? Is monogamy on the table, in your mind? And if not -- or not necessarily -- that is, if these intimate and totally committed relationships you so deeply desire are meant to be non-exclusive -- then why allow one of them to have the label "husband"? Why a label at all?What I am asking is, to use your own words, "What's so great about marriage, anyway?" Especially if you intend on pursuing some form of polyamory? It doesn't seem the organic type of relationship mentality that I've known from reading your blog.Regarding congruence, what is it that you feel you can achieve by waiting until marriage for further sexual exploration? Will it be the relationship that is congruent (and to allow you to judge whether you need to explain that term itself, I'll say that when I read "congruence," I think "harmony," and "resonance" -- a kind of fusion, "cleave to his wife" and all that jazz), or will it be the sex itself (in which case I'm not sure what congruence means except that it's exactly what you want for yourself and nothing less)? I'm sure you'll tell me it's both, but I think my understanding needs some clarity on the terms and the scope of what it is you want.I respect your views on marriage, and on relationships in general, where I haven't afforded the same respect to others using the same terms and the same ideas, because you have been so open with your reasons and the journeys that have brought you here, and I can see that you're truly listening to your best self as you make your decisions. Of course, I don't, and won't, follow your exact path, but if you actually think there's something to this marriage thing, which I didn't expect, I can't wait to hear more.
I have some thoughts pour vous Erika, yet I think theyre better expressed through this short song:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqXi8WmQ_WM
"Subdue your appetites, my dear, and you've conquered human nature." --C. Dickens
Weird how you can get messages from us humans about your state of abstinence. Ah, the 21st century.For what it’s worth, what’s really most interesting for me, isn’t the particular place you find yourself at any one point in time as you express yourself on your blog – though these entries are pretty intrinsically interesting – it’s more what happens to your perspectives and the liveliness you bring to them and how they continue to lead on their way, the way it twists and turns and touches on different places and what it means and the aliveness of that, the beautiful aliveness of this adventure going along, expressing that, which means it is YOUR story, after all.Congratulations on the next step. I wonder where it will lead next.
Thanks, Michael. I just follow my intuition from day to day.BenPaul, thanks for your comment. You've raised a lot of intriguing questions. Right now my main focus is on deepening relationships. Indecision and wishy-washiness are barriers to that deepening. At the moment, I am seeing full commitment (not necessarily monogamy, cuz I've seen fully committed polyamorous relationships) as a prerequisite to the deepening that I'm talking about. Mostly though, I'm just following my feelings. For me, indecision and wishy-washiness undermine trust, and as I've talked about on this blog before, trust is probably the most important thing a woman needs to open herself up to a man.
wanna bet? she wont last more than 2009 before she cracks ;-) however I m sure she will reframe what "abstinence" is oh i only gave him a bj, that aint sex.
That's one of the things that makes it beautiful. Changing her mind only as often as her intuitions and feelings change even more ... can be a gorgeous thing.
Awww... Michael,Yes, our aliveness is like the play of light on water, constantly changing and more precious because of its fluidity.Thanks for that comment, I'm feeling very seen and understood.See ya tonight honey.Love,Erika
You’re welcome. Later, I’m going to stop by the Gross Realm Takeout to get something to eat and then bop over to the Subtle Realm Lounge. Maybe I’ll see you there. The afterparty is going to be at Causal, but I hear nobody’s going to be there. It's going to be dead.
If you think marriage can prove anything, you are in for a rude awakening one day.
Erica,This may surprise you coming from The Greatest Ladies Man on Earth but I not only support your choice....I applaud it.I think it's great.And in this context I don't think eating is cheating as actually having a guy INSIDE you (not just his tongue in you or him in your mouth) is a MUCH bigger thing. It's spiritual. So, whatever abstinence you choose, Big Daddy supports you 100% and I do believe you will make it until your wedding day!Whooooooooooooo!!!Big DaddyBigDaddy777 on twitter
hey Big Daddy,Thanks for the support. I predict you are right ... that I will make it until my wedding day.I'm interested in a man with staying power, someone who envisions a joint future of adventure and contribution to the world ... extending into eternity.Someone I can count on, now and always.Love,Erika
tired of fucking puas?
"I predict you are right ... that I will make it until my wedding day."I agree with you Erica...and I'm sure you'll be ecstatic that you did!Not every girl is the same, of course.That's why Big Daddy exists hahaSeriously, I remember working with some media on a Silver Ring Thing event near where I live. That's where the girls pledge virginity until marriage.I know...I know...many if not most don't make it. But still, it's a sweet thing and I have to tell you what shocked me most was...1) How many SPECTACULARLY HOT women were there.2) How PASSIONATE the vibe was.My retrospective analysis was that when I chatted up the girls there that night, they OBVIOUSLY knew I was NOT trying to bed them since I was at a virginity gathering. This created in them an amazing freedom to be themselves...to interact & share their feelings heart to heart. And I was received with automatic respect as one who was willing to talk with them as people and not just as an excuse to get into their pants.Very fun night.Big DaddyPS I STILL wanted to bone at LEAST two to three HUNDRED of them, though.Sorry Erica...haha
"tired of fucking puas?"haha At first I thought he was using the F-bomb as an adjective.But, he meant it as a verb.Big DaddyAnother sad, bitter cynical member of 'the community' I guess...
"I'm interested in a man with staying power, someone who envisions a joint future of adventure and contribution to the world ... extending into eternity.Your posts have begun to take on a more bitter tone since Entropy dumped you. Understandable, as emotions are powerful things. Breaking up blows, getting dumped is even less fun. But marriage doesn't mean you're going to get any of these qualities in a man. Marriage is not some kind of test to screen for your idealized lover. You might find someone who you *think* is all these things, marry him, and 2 years later discover that he is not all you thought he was. Or all you want him to be. A wedding ceremony, a ring, and a marriage license guarantees you nothing about the future. You can't predict how the personality any man, husband or not, might change as time progresses. And, there is no way I would marry a woman until I already knew that we were sexually compatible with each other. Just talking about it isn't going to answer that question.Your description of marriage reminds me of all the nonsense I was taught before discovering the seduction community. It was that line of thinking that greatly contributed to my lack of success with women. I'm very sorry to see that you are attempting to promote a belief that doesn't serve the interests of men.
Dear Anonymous,I'm sorry you have interpreted this as bitterness. I assure you that it's not. Entropy did not dump me, and no, I'm not going to divulge any further details right now.The whole "sexual compatibility" argument is a bunch of hogwash. I suggest you read the work of Tom McKnight to get a different perspective: http://www.lovetactics.com/article.php?a_id=44Or ask the zillions of women who have followed your logic and ended up in dead-end relationships with their self-esteem much lower than when they started. As for your comment about not "serving the interests of men," sweetheart, please understand that I am interested in serving the interests of men AND women, both at the same time. Anything that is win/lose eventually becomes lose/lose, so the only viable way to think is win/win. When I read girl forums and blogs, I see very few women who ultimately feel good about casual sex, so I have a hard time concluding that it is win/win. Of course marriage is not a guarantee of a perfect future. What it represents to me is a present-moment intention and commitment. It's no different really than a stable job, where employer and employee make a commitment to each other, or a business partnership, where partners make certain agreements for the benefit of all partners, or any other contract. The commitment is made to bring expectations into alignment and to create a stable base for co-creation. xoxo,Erika
i think certain people should stop commenting anonymously on this blog, especially when they tell other people to reveal themselves, lol. love,anonymous. :)and while i am at it....i agree with michael, a woman flowing with her intuition is a gorgeous thing.A truly powerful man is comfortable in the power of a woman. ps, i have a blog crush on gonesavage...most insightful! he gives the best advice, honest but always kind....mmmm, very sexy. i want one like that!
"I have a blog crush on gonesavage...most insightful! he gives the best advice, honest but always kind....mmmm, very sexy. i want one like that"Ummmm Jason...You need to be more subtle, my man. Kind of tipped your hand here, dude. Just a LITTLE too obvious.LOL!Big DaddyHe sniffs them out...even online!
"I see very few women who ultimately feel good about casual sex"Don't you see anything between extremely casual zero commitment sex and no sex un5il theres a binding government document saying we're together forever?You don't have to accept the solution most of have reached on the issue... but you have to at least admit it exists:Have sex in committed non-marriages until you find a good match then get married. Try not to hoe it up too much during single times but if you do it's really not the end of the world.
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