So today, someone said he thinks I am "dramatic." To which I say ...
Yes, I am the most dramatic person EVER.
(credit Brad P.)
If by DRAMATIC, you mean alive ... vibrant ... surfing the ocean of emotions ... expressive ... and irrepressible ... then yes, I am dramatic.
I wouldn't trade my irrepressibility for the world.
So I was out with Hristiyan last night. For those who are not familiar, he is a dating coach of sorts who used to be with Pickup 101 and whose specialty is inner transformation. Very soon after sitting down, I felt our energies move into that beautiful, deep field of Presence. Where you feel a glow inside and everything seems to be kinda moving in slow motion. I used to be in that space a lot. It made me realize how I haven't been in that space very much lately.
And Hristiyan asked me ... he asked,
What part of you is unavailable that you would date men who are unavailable? why would you take a lover in Boston when you can take a lover here?
Now this dovetails with another recent conversation. I've been heading in the direction of marriage and children, and a friend of mine (who also happens to be a beloved dating coach) said to me:
If you’re going to bind yourself to sex with one man for the rest of your life you’d better check out sex with him beforehand, and if you don’t feel the potential there, you’d better have some fun beforehand with other men so you can settle down without “settling.” Just get your priorities straight and you’ll make the right decision. Being married is very, very cool. All of a sudden you feel free and supported to be your best self. A man who adores you and wants you to be as powerful and amazing as you can be is at the very, very top of the list. ... Go for a man who is SO on your team he’s pretty much team leader for “Team -Make Erika the greatest, happiest woman in the world.”
The words she said kept echoing today: "You'd better have some fun beforehand."
And suddenly I realized ... that perhaps the way to integrate all of this ... is to take several lovers ... right here, right now. Maybe I don't need to have sex with them. Maybe it could be "almost sex."
I've been really intrigued about exploring tantra, and now I learn that some of my favorite guys are interested in exploring it also. Maybe I can find the white light again, like in January.
Anyway, for a little bit there, I couldn't breathe, I felt so much like I have to make a decision RIGHT NOW. And then when I started imagining this new scenario ... space opened up ... I felt so much lighter ... it just got me thinking ... and day-dreaming ;-)
This could be fun ... and maybe not so scary after all ...