Well, everyone, I am about to be our experimental guinea pig for some of this Deep Inner Game work.
For those who are just tuning in, I recently wrote about my revelations of how much a trauma when I was four years old (my kitten being killed by a car) has been, unconsciously, affecting my love life. And how I am using Emotional Freedom Technique, which is an acupressure-based healing tool, to address the different aspects that are coming up.
Today another aspect emerged.
I was remembering back, I think it was in February of this year ... not long after Entropy and I returned home from our wonderful five days together in Los Angeles.
Anyway, a few weeks after we got back home to our respective cities, he and I were texting like we did pretty much every day, and out of the blue, he sent me something like this:
"Ok, baby, I'm going to get on my bike and go play in traffic now. Talk to you later."
No big deal, right? He used to be one of those bike messenger guys, so he was going to do something he has done on a regular basis.
But I got really scared. I knew it was irrational, and I was scared anyway. I didn't relax until getting back in touch with him later that evening or the next day.
Now I see the connection. At a deep unconscious level, when he said "go play in traffic," my mind was going back to my little kitten's death on the highway. Yet I didn't realize the connection consciously until now, so instead of understanding what was going on, I experienced a rush of fear.
I'm starting to see just how tremendously my kitten's death has affected my entire life. Now I see how it is that each time I experience the depth and purity of love and connection that I felt in Los Angeles, a part of me is overjoyed. And another part of me -- unconscious until now -- is taken right back to that four-year old girl who loved this kitten with her whole heart and lost him so suddenly and way before it was time.
Is it any wonder that any time I feel that deep and pure of a connection, I panic?
So now the question is ... can I rewrite this energy pattern that has been haunting me for almost my entire life? And if I can, will I then be able to help other people to do the same?