I've never been to one of those 12-step programs, though I'd like to check one out sometime because it sounds like they are spiritually very profound. Mainly because the participants are able to get to a place of surrendering control, letting go and letting God. (Yes, ok, insert "Fight Club" joke here if you must.)
Lucky for me, my friend Player Girl provided me with the equivalent of a 12-step program last night. In the space of two hours, I went from mind chatter and anxiety to a feeling of deep peace and Presence. This reminds me of a bunch of quotations from A Course in Miracles (ACIM), so I'm going to share them in this post. They can be summed up, though, in this quick reminder phrase, "Whatever happens happens."
What my friend helped me see is that all my recent sadness comes from thinking that I know what "should" have happened. Yet, what I thought "should" have happened didn't happen, so it must not have been what should have happened. ACIM says this:
Only those who recognize they cannot know unless the effects of understanding are with them, can really learn at all. For this it must be peace they want, and nothing else. Whenever you think you know, peace will depart from you, because you have abandoned the Teacher of peace. Whenever you fully realize that you know not, peace will return, for you will have invited him to do so by abandoning the ego on behalf of him. Call not upon the ego for anything; it is only this that you need do. The Holy Spirit will, of himself, fill every mind that so makes room for him.
It was my thinking that I knew something, my fighting against the "what is," that led to my upset. Player Girl reminded me with a bunch of questions. She asked, "How do you know that the time is right? Maybe other things need to be resolved first. Maybe there are things you don't know. Maybe there's a better situation right around the corner."
All these questions opened up space.
What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good? Perhaps you have misunderstood His plan, for He would never offer pain to you. But your defenses did not let you see His loving blessing shine in every step you ever took. While you made plans for death, He led you gently to eternal life.
Your present trust in Him is the defense that promises a future undisturbed, without a trace of sorrow, and with joy that constantly increases, as this life becomes a holy instant, set in time, but heeding only immortality. Let no defenses but your present trust direct the future, and this life becomes a meaningful encounter with the truth that only your defenses would conceal.
Without defenses, you become a light ...
So then I realized ... that all my sadness was coming not from anything real but from my attachment to a particular plan of action. Yet if that plan of action hasn't come to fruition, there must be a cosmic reason. It must not have been the right plan. There must be a better plan, which I must inevitably be living my way into right now ...
Suddenly, I felt so much lighter. It seemed so obvious. Why couldn't I see it before? I don't know what should have happened. And I don't know what should happen now. I don't really know anything.
Player Girl also reminded me that the other person involved in this situation needs to find his own peace and that my putting pressure of any kind doesn't help either one of us. When she talked about that, I realized, yeah, I already knew that. I was transported back in time a few months to a conversation that I'd had with him where I even said that, told him I wanted him to honor the situation he was in and be at peace about it, and he had expressed gratitude to me about that willingness on my part. Suddenly, I was able to find that space again, and realized I don't want things to be rushed or artificially resolved. I want everything to happen organically in its own time. How had I forgotten something so simple?
ACIM says: "It will be given you to see your brother's worth, when all you want for him is peace."
My favorite part of the evening was when Player Girl said this: "You know, I'm just telling you right now all the things you have taught me over the past couple of years."
And that reminds me of this ACIM quotation, which moves me to tears:
Thus is your healing everything the world requires, that it may be healed. It needs one lesson that has perfectly been learned. And then, when you forget it, will the world remind you gently of what you have taught. No reinforcement will its thanks withhold from you who let yourself be healed, that it might live. It will call forth its witnesses to show the Face of Christ to you who brought the sight to them, by which they witnessed it. The world of accusation is replaced by one in which all eyes look lovingly upon the Friend who brought them their release. And happily your brother will perceive the many friends he thought were enemies.
Thank you, Player Girl, for releasing me from the clutches of the ego :-)
A place of surrender: Whatever happens happens.
Oh, I almost forgot ... (credit Entropy)
Synchronicity: my friend Manwhore posted about the same topic on his blog: see it HERE.