"Are you listening?"
That may be the most important question any of us can ask ourselves.
Shhhh ... I'm going to let you in on a little secret that very few men understand.
There is a language that everyone around you, whether they are aware of it or not, is speaking all the time ... this is the language of emotions.
What is the quickest way to lose your connection with a woman (or not make a connection in the first place)? Go up into your head. Start arguing logic with her. Tell her that the feelings she has expressed to you are not "logical." Make every effort you can to be "right."
Would you rather be "right" or would you rather get and keep the girl?
Many of us have a reflex when we feel scared or angry to become defensive and start arguing with the other person, from our heads. But this is virtually never effective for enhancing connection.
I feel moved to share a thread from Rori Raye's blog that shows some intense emotions. It also shows the difference between logic and emotions, how logic tends to amp up conflict and lead to disconnection, and how "feelings" language tends to soften everything back up again and lead to reconnection.
My admiration to Gone Savage, who stuck with it on this thread despite the fact that he is almost the only male poster on Rori's blog.
For the guys: would you be able to hold all of a woman's emotions? What if she said she felt disgusted and revolted in her communications with you? Would you take it personally, or would you see it as the gift that it is ... ?
If a woman expresses extremely negative and painful emotions to you (and they were triggered by things you did or said), you have two choices: you can become defensive. Or you can feel very, very flattered that she felt safe enough to express those deepest parts of herself with you.
If you are able to hear and respond non-reactively to a woman's emotions, you are so far ahead in the game of seduction, it's ridiculous. As soon as she expresses a negative feeling like disgust, if you are able to hold it without collapsing, she will immediately feel less disgusted and more connected to you again.
Watch as things shift on the Rori thread. It moves from intense, nearly-disconnecting conflict to ... you're not going to believe this ... a highly connected and erotic conversation ... which, I might add, has continued today off-blog.
And this happened within a matter of minutes. What changed? We moved from logic to emotions and "feelings" language. That's it. Simple.
As soon as we did that, my entire body softened. I felt heard and understood again. I felt like I could breathe again. And then I suddenly felt highly aroused.
"Change her mood, not her mind."
You'll see if you read the thread.
Logic is overrated. Feelings are our link to each other ... and to the Divine. :-)