I'm not looking for advice. Advice feels really annoying at times like this. I'm just going to feel it.
Life goes on. I go through my day pretty much like normal, I can still go out and have fun, but when I check in with myself, I feel sadness, betrayal, some anger, some boredom and apathy, a lot of disappointment ... but the most honest feeling is pure heartbreak.
Like I was evicted from Heaven, and I don't ever get to go back home again.
13 comments:
You get what you have created.
According to your own philosophy, you must be spiritually unhealthy, or otherwise you wouldn't feel the way you currently do.
So physician, you with all the answers, go forth and heal thyself.
No trivial sage advice. I am here for you, that is all I have! Light and Love my friend.
lol heaven you gotta be kidding me.
if an angel comes down and says "quick it is time for you to go to heaven"(said like go to hell).
my heart would be broken!
excuse me for filling up some time;)
btw I really dont get this whole good girl act from yours??? hummm maybe you get pride from turning a dude with no girl appeal into a bit more of a chickmagnet?
breaking open....is a beautiful thing even through the tears...and the universe will wipe your wipe your cheeks, om shanti
It's Heaven's loss & our gain to have an angel before us. We're all ready & willing to love you right back up.
"We will all have experiences meant to 'break our hearts'—not in half but wide open." - Don Miguel Ruiz, 'The Voice of Knowledge: A Practical Guide to Inner Peace'
I went through a break up not too long ago. I was miserable and had some anxiety too. I then gave my head a shake. Read The Power of Now. It taught me to go forward, be thankful for the relationship and the goodness I got from it and move on. Don't dwell. Be thankful and realize that everything is meant to be. Meditation helped me quite a bit as well. ((Hugs))
I feel very appreciative of the outpouring of support received last night on Facebook ... and the suggestion that perhaps my heart is not broken but rather is breaking open :-)
hey Carmela,
Welcome, and thanks for commenting :-)
Yeah, I love the Tollester: http://awakeningfromthedream.blogspot.com/2008/11/emulating-tollester-eleven-signs-that.html
And I am a huge fan of meditation. Holosync pretty much every night (can meditate while sleeping).
I can emphasize with what you are saying here. My question to you is, who is feeling sad? Is it Erika, is it the body, or is it you? Then that begs the question, who are you? The most important thing I have learned on this journey is about the duality of this existence we live in. I know this is something CIM also talks about in great detail. As long as we are seeking pleasure from the outside we will always experience the other side of that, which is pain, hurt, sadness, heart-break. That is the nature of this duality. Take relationships and go back and look at all of them. You will see that do the degree you experienced pleasure from them is the same degree that you experienced pain from them. Just as the tide goes out the tide comes in or the sun rises and the sun sets. This illusion we live in is run by the same nature that controls the tides and the rising of the sun. So the most important question you can ask is who am I and who is suffering here. What am I seeking from those people or situations that cause me to feel this heart break? Is it possible that the happiness that I am seeking from the outside, is really not coming from the outside. Maybe in those times when I am with a lover or things are going well in my life, maybe then I am just in total acceptance of the situation and that allows the bliss that I naturally am to bubble forth to the surface of experience? Having said all of this, I am sorry you are feeling pain, it happens to the best of us and I thought this might give you something to ponder and put in reference of CIM...It is possible to rearrange the furniture of the room or it is possible to step outside the room entirely and simply observe the room and see whats happening in their. If the room is on fire or burning, the suffering and pain is much less when you are on the outside and not standing in the middle of it. Have a beautiful day and know that of course this too shall pass ; )
hi Patrick,
Thanks for your comment.
No love without pain? Someone else said that to me recently. I think it may be a limited belief.
But ACIM does say no bodily pleasure without pain ...
I'm not sure where that leaves us with sex. Is tantric sex on a whole other level where it's possible to have joy (rather than pleasure) without pain?
I dunno ... while everyone else worries about condoms and one-night stands, these are the questions that intrigue me.
Love,
Erika
Hey Erika.....every belief is limited depending on the level you are speaking. Beliefs by their nature are limited at the deepest level. Again, who has the beliefs anyway? I don't think I said love without pain, I said no pleasure coming from the outside without pain...Love can come from within and that love carries no pain for it is pure and not dependent on anything, in fact its a property of the being that you really are. Just from reading the beautiful raw stories that you have been brave enough to post here since the start of your blog you're a living example of pain following pleasure....but you aren't alone, we are all in that boat. Yet we go back for more and more. It's what humans do and it's all part of the illusion. I know CIM talks about this somewhere. It's an interesting one to ponder anyway ; )
and....I am doing an experiment with celibacy myself, so not sure on the tantra. I really feel that any experience that's temporary which sex is will eventually cause anything from disappointment...because it sucked....to heart break....because it was amazing, but he didn't want to commit and moved on....sex leads to attachment and the more attachment you have the messier life will be...at least in my experience.
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