Gamer left a comment on an earlier post. He asked "how does celibacy serve you now?"
I responded to his comment and then realized this actually deserves its own post.
How does celibacy serve me now?
It's helping me become congruent.
The next guy I have sex with I fully expect to give me a 100% reliable lifetime commitment. I take ownership for that by saying no to sex with any man who's not offering me that with complete conviction (and of course it needs to be mutual -- we choose each other).
From ACIM: "Do you want freedom of the body or of the mind? For both you cannot have."
I choose freedom of the mind, it is the only real freedom.
I'm not interested in "sex for fun." Because uncommitted sex isn't fun for me. It's painful. I'm interested in sex as an expression of deep, permanent connection and intimacy.
Men who are not offering what I want may as well not even try with me. They won't get anywhere. And yes the decision to be with me permanently must be made beforehand. This "let's just see what happens" is bullshit and a recipe for chaos and pain. It is an expression of incongruence and uncertainty, and it always leads to pain.
I look at how men live their lives. If a man is living his life incongruently, and for example, has left a trail of pain behind him, I am not attracted to him. He has a lot of work to do on himself before he will have the capacity to be a good partner. I used to be attracted to men like that because they mirrored me, but now the attraction to pain is gone.
When I am fully congruent, the man who comes to my doorstep will be congruent also. Our love for each other will be so certain that there will be no doubt.
I am waiting for that certainty, because in certainty there is no pain. Certainty is achieved through congruence. Congruence is achieved by erasing every doubt about oneself. When it is fully achieved, there is no pain and only joy.
That is how abstinence serves me.