2. PUA Summit. Who is going to PUA Summit ? If you are going and would like to share a hotel room with me and my girlfriend, then please email me at erika.awakening@gmail.com. Is she hot? Of course. I have a thing for hot Eastern European women, especially ones who have a wonderful mischievous vibe. What can I say?
3. Burning Man.
As I mentioned before, I'll be teaching a free two-hour workshop at Evolutionary Temple, near Center Camp, on Friday, Sept. 4, from 6-8 pm.
Now, as a testament to how powerful EFT is, a couple of months ago, I tapped on "only want to go to Burning Man if I'm going with a guy." I did this because last year I went by myself, and although I had an amazing time and met a whole bunch of NEW guys, this year I wanted a different experience. I wanted to go WITH a guy. Or I didn't want to go at all. But I had signed up for Burning Man, and my partner for the trip had not materialized.
Until today. When a guy I met about a year ago suggested we go together and spend a romantic night in Reno on the way.
Whoa Nellie. Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it.
There was a long texting pause (on my end). He said he sensed my hesitation. He was cool about it but wanted to know what my reservations were.
And as I simmered with it today, I realized that my reservations are mostly the shadows of past hesitations, like empty shells with the content long gone.
"But I don't want to have sex. I'm not having sex."
Those words came up, and I realized they had lost a lot of their power. I used to say them so powerfully, and now they sound kinda like ... I don't know ... like that was a story I told myself somewhere along the way in a time I can't put myself into anymore.
This is how EFT heals. It takes all the oomph out of our negatively charged stories. Then they collapse by themselves.
(But don't go getting any ideas, Burning Man Guy. Lol. I'm STILL not having sex with you.)
It just feels softer now than it used to, when I say that.
:-)
9 comments:
Wow, Erika. I'm so honored to be immortalized in your blog. For those who wonder about whom has the distinct pleasure to accompany Erika to the playa, let me say I have the most profound respect for her as a person and would only have sex with her if it felt like the natural thing to do for both of us. For those who are curious, our texting went something like this:
Erika: Are you going to the Burn this year?
Me: You bet, on Tuesday or Weds.
Erika: Who are you riding with?
Me: One of my roommates, or you perhaps. When are you going?
Erika: I'm working until Tuesday afternoon and then going.
Me: Perfect. Let drive to Reno Tues night, get a cheap motel, stay up late eating chocolate and drinking red wine, and then cuddle all night long. How does that sound?
Erika: Not bad. I'm freaking out a little bit actually.
Me: Why? Is it because I'm pushing the boundaries out a little bit? Let's celebrate the one year anniversary of our meeting and live large a bit. Cuddling is the new safe sex. How about it?
Erika: Ok. If I buy the gas will you pay for the hotel?
Me: Of course. I sense your hesitation. Let's only do this if it feels totally good to you.
Erika: Yes, yes. I'll tell you when I'm a total yes. Let me get back to you later today.
Me: Please voice all questions and concerns when you're ready.
Later in the day-
Erika: Ok. We're on. I could riff about it on my blog. You would be anonymous of course ;)
And so it is. I've already bought the chocolate and red wine. I don't consider myself an official pick-up artist and don't actually think too much of those of you who do. I think pick-up artists are like dogs chasing cars. Once they catch one they don't know what to do with it. Time to take driving lessons guys. What's the point of sleeping with a woman who you're not going to cultivate a long-lasting loving relationship with? I'm not saying I've have serious committed relationships with all of the women that I've slept with, but that casual sex is just not my objective. If I feel a closeness of connection with a woman, intimacy usually follows naturally. I would much rather have a woman's long term respect and admiration than add another notch in my bedpost. Sex is so much more satisfying once you have a onnection with a woman and you actually have some understanding of her and what she's all about. That's only achieved through continual interaction and deep listening. Then it's about expressing your affection for each other and not just burning off built up sexual energy. Erika is a jewel of a woman to share her inner world with you. I suggest you regard her with deep respect, as I do. Thanks for the opportunity to share.
How does celibacy serve you now?
LOOL! "I'm STILL not having sex with you"
Am I the hot EE chick? (I'm very hot)... or is there someone else...
Gamer,
How does celibacy serve me now?
It's helping me become congruent.
The next guy I have sex with I fully expect to give me a 100% reliable lifetime commitment. I take ownership for that by saying no to sex with any man who's not offering me that with complete conviction (and of course it needs to be mutual -- we choose each other).
From ACIM: "Do you want freedom of the body or of the mind? For both you cannot have."
I choose freedom of the mind, it is the only real freedom.
I'm not interested in "sex for fun." I'm interested in it as an expression of deep, permanent connection and intimacy.
Men who are not offering what I want may as well not even try with me. They won't get anywhere. And yes the decision must be made beforehand. This "let's just see what happens" is bullshit and a recipe for chaos and pain.
When I am fully congruent, he will be also. Our love for each other will be so certain that there will be no doubt.
I am waiting for that certainty, because in certainty there is no pain.
Does oral count as sex?
Does someone else using a vibrator on you count as sex?
Is naked making out acceptable?
Is mutual masturbation acceptable?
My point is, how far can you go before you poison your intent with celibacy? As you know, you define celibacy for yourself.. for your person. Even then, couldnt you define it "away" on whim... like what would stop you?
SMoKeLioN,
This is not a logical issue.
It's an issue of emotion, intuition, and the prophecy of salvation.
In my coaching work, one thing has become very clear: logic is extremely limited in its usefulness.
Intuition, on the other hand, can deliver people from suffering into healing and happiness.
Intuition doesn't play in line drawing. It takes every possible contingency into account and guides us.
OOh "intuition doesn't play in line drawing"
I Love that one!
"But what if your intuition is wrong?"
Well you just have to trust that it's right.
"But what if its not?"
You just trust that it is.
Its a whole different world out there people! Live life free!
There are a lot of different theories on how our emotions work. However to say that they are illogical is completely wrong.
Take indignation for example. This is anger that is brought by something unjust, mean, or slighting you. To say that indignation is illogical is simply wrong. To even experience indignation you must reason that someone has wronged you.
For a good reader on various theories of emotion check out What Is Emotion by Robert Solomon. It has readings that draw from a variety of authors, from a variety of backgrounds such as psychology, philosophy, and even some of biology (in the case of william james).
In my experience, those that say logic has no place in explaining their emotions/feelings simply havent been looking or trying either hard enough or correctly.
On the matter of intuition... who says your intuition is right? Often the "intuitive" answers are wrong. Its each of our personal biases that reinforces our belief that our intuition is right, but is it? Its like the people who play scratch and wins... they only remember the few times they win.
Yes some people have "better" intuitions than others... but id say thats not a matter of intuition, but rather, a matter of them using their body of experience (aka their wisdom) to reason out a likely course of action. To herald just going with your "gut feelings" is in my opinion retarded.
Also, I noticed you didnt have an answer to my questions. Maybe intuit where to draw the line :p :p ;p ?
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