Thursday, November 26, 2009
Dating as a Coach
I posted over on Spiritual Seduction today and will probably continue to post over there, so please make sure you sign up for the RSS feed.
Last night I went on a date with a guy I just met, and it raised some intriguing questions for me.
He was very sexy. There was pretty instant chemistry. He seemed grounded and reflective. I was feeling extremely present for the first time in a while, which felt wonderful. I also felt super relaxed with the holiday ahead of me.
He was a gentleman, which is definitely one of my turn-ons with guys. He picked me up at my apartment and dropped me off home again, he chose a nice restaurant (Andalu in the Mission), dropped me off there while he parked so I wouldn't have to walk (especially appreciated when the girl is wearing high heels), and paid for dinner without any hesitation at all. The dinner (tapas style, including an absolutely scrumptious dessert) was delicious, and the conversation was fun. He's a musician who loves music so much that he dreams of having a grand piano in his house.
Well, we pretty quickly dropped into deep comfort conversation. Then the energy shifted dramatically. I felt it first in my third eye, which is the seat of intuition: a headache between my eyebrows. Which I mentioned because that's how I am -- very transparent.
Not long after that, he started sharing with me a lot of darker feeling stories. Frustration with the hip hop industry and what it teaches youngsters. And next about his years-long relationship that broke up about six months ago.
This is where it becomes interesting to date as a coach and healer. As he tuned into these experiences, the painful feelings in my body increased. He said he was pretty much over it, but he's not. I am an empath. My clients often tell me that I can feel what they feel and often can read their minds. It's not really any different when I go on a date. As he tuned into these old wounds, what I felt in my body was third eye blocked, and rage and grief in my solar plexus and all across my mid-section. (I can tune into people's energy when they send me emails, too. It's pretty much a constant thing now. I can feel the energy of men approaching me from behind before I've even seen them. Etc.)
So I told him this, what I was feeling, and then he acknowledged he was feeling it too. More layers of grief, anger, resentment, and frustration started coming to the surface. I appreciated his willingness to be open and vulnerable and honest. I also felt tremendous compassion. But at the same time I was experiencing so much dark energy in my body that I wasn't sure what to do. When emotions like that arise in myself, I clear them as quickly as possible so I can bounce back to happiness and joy.
If I were with a client, I would know exactly what to do to clear this. What he's carrying around is pretty heavy, so I estimate it would take about five sessions. It's probably rooted deep in the past, in childhood experiences that he doesn't even realize are connected to the present moment.
But what do I do on a date, where I want the man to lead, and I'm not interested in trying to "fix" him? How much do I invest in a man who seems to have a lot to offer and yet who I know won't be able to be truly present, happy, and alive with me until this stuff is healed? What if he doesn't know how to heal it? Do I help him?
I don't know. Terrance suggested I explore it more by exposing myself to more of it. I may do that, especially because there was chemistry and attraction, and I have set a new intention not to disconnect from people even when the going gets rough.
Stay tuned ...