Monday, November 30, 2009
Taking full responsibility ... the pain and the power :)
Wow, wow, wow. What huge revelations for me over this past week ...
You know, it was not accidental that I used the image of a genie to promote my 15-week Miracle Coaching Program a few weeks ago.
The Universe is waiting to giving us exactly what we want, just like the genie in the bottle. The only problem is that the Universe is waiting for very clear instructions from us. If we give it mixed messages, it gives us mixed results. This is why I talk so frequently about the importance of congruence.
All too often, what we are asking for consciously is being undermined by what we are asking for unconsciously (through our unrecognized old limiting beliefs and unresolved icky karma).
This recent taking full responsibility for what I am creating has been very painful but also very empowering.
Very painful because when I revisited the article I wrote about liberating relationships, the one that drew Entropy to me, I realized that in that article I was NOT asking clearly for what I really want. When I go back and read it now, it sounds mixed. Some parts I like, other parts sound hard and cold. I will be happy if you leave me, no matter what? Really? Who wants to live in that kind of world, where we can cultivate a relationship for months or years and then one of us abruptly disconnects and everything we co-created is just *gone*
I'm going to be happy after that? Not likely. Let's be honest. It's disheartening to keep starting over, again and again. How can we invest our whole heart in something transient and fleeting?
So now I'm going to start asking clearly for what I really do want. A permanent partner. A guy I can count on. A partnership where we co-create a really magnificent life and we trust each other so much that we know we're going to have this connection and this paradise until the end of time. That's what I want. I don't want any fleeting relationship bullshit. I want real, true, lasting love.
What have I had to erase from my unconscious mind to become more congruent with this vision? Well, my mom raised us to be extremely self-sufficient. She didn't even help us with laundry or making our lunch. It was "do it yourself or it's not getting done." She thought she was helping us (and I take full responsibility for "choosing my parents" before I incarnated), but what she was really doing was giving us anti-intimacy training.
This is why I've been using Emotional Freedom Technique to rewire my entire unconscious mind for intimacy and lasting connection.
In the meantime, as I transition from the cold hard world of self-sufficiency and individual achievement to the warm soft world of the intimacy, interdependency, and the heart, I've been sending the Universe mixed messages. Which means I also sent Entropy mixed messages.
No wonder, then, that I didn't receive exactly what I wanted.
So today has been painful. I'm pretty pissed off at myself for spending another year asking without clarity and receiving mixed results.
At the same time, I'm grateful for the clarity that I now have.
I want the real thing. I want all the love, intimacy, sex, and affection that I can handle. I want a partnership where we spread this teaching and healing to the far corners of the earth. And I want it with a masculine, sexy, powerful man who's going to be by my side from now until the end of time.
That's my wish, Genie. Bring it on :)
Oh, and Barry Kirkey just called, so I went on the show impromptu -- talking about meditation, with sound effects, lol :-p Make sure to tune in ... :)