Peacocking for Girls

This happened yet again last night, so I wanted to write about it.

The guys write about it a lot (for example, check out Sinn's notes on fashion in this LR), and I KNOW peacocking works for them. I absolutely love it when guys wear bling and interesting clothes. You know how they say kids and animals are attracted to shiny and colorful things? Well, I find myself fascinated and reaching out physically to touch stuff like that. Plus it always gives an easy topic of conversation with the guy ... oh, where did you get that? and he usually has a story of how he was traveling in Egypt ... or there was this girl he knew ... or it symbolizes some rite of passage for him, etc. Bam ... all of a sudden we are vibing.

The other thing I love about peacocking is that it subcommunicates aliveness. Nice dead people conform to social conventions. Alive people are aware of what they wear and not afraid to step outside of the norms a little bit.

I spent Burning Man 2007 with a well-known PUA, and he had this awesome white furry jacket that he let me wear on the playa when we went out at night. It was SO fun to wear, it felt so cozy and warm and at the same time flirtatious. I remember playing miniature golf in it :) So last year before Burning Man 2008 I indulged in my own furry jacket, this one is pink with grey ostrich feathery looking overtones. It's super warm, super cozy, and an absolute PEOPLE MAGNET.

Now I wear it whenever I'm feeling flirtatious and want guys to approach me. That's what happened last night. My friend and I were standing in this wine bar not more than a couple minutes before guys were coming up to us, with hands already outstretched, asking to "pet it."

Note: as I've written about before, I still believe that a person's vibe trumps everything else. For this stuff to work, you need to have an approachable vibe to begin with. But assuming that you do, peacocking is great for inviting approaches and easing conversation. Have fun with it!

Wow, now I'm feeling inspired to go out and find some more outrageous outfits :)

More Adventures Coming Soon ... Los Angeles here we come

In Las Vegas, we became an almost instant family. Now ... we love each other so much that we are reuniting again next weekend in Los Angeles. So soon? Oh yes. And the way things are shaping up, it looks like there will be many more adventures to report. Some (among infinite) possibilities are that I might be going to a lair talk, meeting several more notorious PUAs, and generally making a ruckus of myself.

I'm also meeting up with one of the guys who has been featured in this blog, but I'm not going to reveal yet which one it is cuz I know how you all like suspense.

Stay tuned for some good stories ... :)

Sexual Healing: Steve Piccus and White Tiger Tantra

All right, I've been wanting to write about this one ever since last weekend but wanted to find a moment of quiet and reflection that would do it justice.

As you all know, I was in Vegas last weekend for Johnny Soporno's bootcamp, and among Johnny's special guests were two of the most well-known figures in the so-called seduction community: Hypnotica and Steve Piccus.

Steve Piccus turns out to be an absolutely adorable man. (You can see some photos of him on Cameron Teone's website here.) He has explored some of the Native American mystical traditions and is as free-spirited as they come. He actually reminds me very much of two of my uncles on my father's side of the family. Steve P. is so blunt and so funny and comes up out of nowhere with these great lines. For example, he was talking about how relationships between a man and a woman often die, and as he put it ... "Before you know it, you've gone from soulmates to cellmates." Lol :)

Anyway, among Steve's many talents, he teaches White Tiger Tantra. I was very honored to have the opportunity to participate in one of his sexual healing sessions during our time in Vegas. I'll do my best to describe the experience, but really hope everyone will someday have an opportunity to participate in this themselves.

A beautiful, voluptuous woman named Marci (who gave me permission to use her name here) was the receiver of this session. She was having some frustration about not being able to have a "squirting" G-spot orgasm. As Steve explained to us, and as is very familiar to me from my work in energy healing such as Emotional Freedom Technique and Reiki: "the issues are in the tissues." Women often have traumatic memories or other blockages that are stored in their bodies and prevent them from fully surrendering into their own sensuality.

In all, nine of us participated in the three-hour(!) healing session. We were in a hotel suite, in the living room, and Marci was nude on a massage table. There were seven guys, Marci, and me. Steve P. led the session, giving continuing instructions. I stayed at Marci's head, gently touching her hair and neck and delivering Reiki energy to her.

This is what happened:

First, the seven guys, all working together, gave Marci the deepest tissue massage you can imagine. With hands washed all the way up to the elbows, the guys doused themselves in grapeseed oil and massaged literally every part of Marci's body. Steve showed the guys how to target certain acupuncture meridians that correspond to various emotions and organs of the body. The guys kept massaging until every muscle in Marci's body had become smooth and relaxed. Even with seven guys working, it took at least TWO HOURS!!

Second, once Marci was really ready and completely relaxed, Steve P. showed the guys how to use their fingers inside her to bring her to orgasm. She came at least three times, and the final climax was what Steve calls a "teargasm." Marci was actually crying. Then one of the guys in the room just held her for a while. This was a massive emotional release for Marci and provided tremendous healing.

This whole time I was feeling pretty useless, but one of the guys told me (and Marci later confirmed) that she actually did much better during the session while I was delivering the Reiki energy to her head. This sort of deep tissue massage can be very painful at times, and the Reiki apparently grounded her. So I was happy to know that my being there had a life-serving purpose :)

After the session, I felt really inspired and very glad to have participated. As my blog readers know, I have spent a lot of time trying to merge and reconcile sexuality and spirituality. This session showed me that the two things really can come together. The atmosphere in the room was one of love, healing, and non-judgment, which is pretty amazing, if you imagine a scenario with a naked woman and seven men in a room. It felt very very sacred. I hope one day to experience it on the receiving end because I'm sure it would be very healing for me as well.

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Postscript: In May 2010, I had my own White Tiger Tantra initiation, and it was quite amazing ...

As you may know, my blog has moved. If you would like to read more articles about the White Tiger Tantra work of Steve Piccus, please go to my new blog, http://SpiritualSeduction.com, and sign up in the right-hand side bar for my Insider Newsletter.

Meanwhile, to purchase Steve Piccus' White Tiger Tantra DVDs, where he teaches all his sensual massage and awakening secrets, PLEASE CLICK HERE.

If you purchase the DVDs through my link, you will be supporting both my own and Steve's healing work, with our deep gratitude. Thank you, and please purchase the life-changing and sex-life-changing DVDs here. :)

Two Magical Weekends in Vegas

I'm back home and relaxing on this three-day weekend after two fun-filled weekends in Vegas.

This weekend was spent at David Shade's Masterful Lover Superconference. While there, I alternated my time between the conference and hanging out with Zan Perrion and Johnny and other friends. The energy and good vibes of this group of people are truly amazing. You can feel the aliveness in the way we walk, the way we talk, the way we touch and hug freely. It feels like a fountain of vibrancy, humor, and authenticity. It feels like I've made a whole new family. :)

I also had the chance to meet briefly Brad P., Carlos Xuma, Heather Ann Havenwood, Chet Rowland, Jan Robinson, and a number of other luminaries in the dating and relationship fields.

So it has been a time of making connections ...

Anyway, what impressed me the most about David's superconference (and would, I suspect, surprise a lot of people who have prejudgments about the seduction community and think the guys are out to scam and deceive women) were a few things:

(1) there were a lot of women and couples in attendance at the superconference,

(2) all of the speakers were talking about creating win-win relationships between men and women, and

(3) one of the main focus points of the speakers was on living more authentically and creating more authentic relationships.

Please Call Me By My True Names

Don't say that I will depart tomorrow --
even today I am still arriving.

Look deeply: every second I am arriving
to be a bud on a Spring branch,
to be a tiny bird, with still-fragile wings,
learning to sing in my new nest,
to be a caterpillar in the heart of a flower,
to be a jewel hiding itself in a stone.

I still arrive, in order to laugh and to cry,
to fear and to hope.

The rhythm of my heart is the birth and death
of all that is alive.

I am the mayfly metamorphosing
on the surface of the river.
And I am the bird
that swoops down to swallow the mayfly.

I am the frog swimming happily
in the clear water of a pond.
And I am the grass-snake
that silently feeds itself on the frog.

I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones,
my legs as thin as bamboo sticks.
And I am the arms merchant,
selling deadly weapons to Uganda.

I am the twelve-year-old girl,
refugee on a small boat,
who throws herself into the ocean
after being raped by a sea pirate.
And I am the pirate,
my heart not yet capable
of seeing and loving.

I am a member of the politburo,
with plenty of power in my hands.
And I am the man who has to pay
his "debt of blood" to my people
dying slowly in a forced-labor camp.

My joy is like Spring, so warm
it makes flowers bloom all over the Earth.
My pain is like a river of tears,
so vast it fills the four oceans.

Please call me by my true names,
so I can hear all my cries and my laughter at once,
so I can see that my joy and pain are one.

Please call me by my true names,
so I can wake up,
and so the door of my heart
can be left open,
the door of compassion.

(This poem written by the same guy whose quote graces my blog, Thich Nhat Hanh, who said "we are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness")

Johnny Soporno's Model of Polyamory and Open Relationships

As you all know, I am fascinated by the idea of non-monogamous relationships. In part, this has come from my deep reading of A Course in Miracles (ACIM), and I have talked more about it HERE. (Btw, I've never mentioned it on here before, but my nickname for ACIM is "God's Ultimate Guide to Inner Game.")

When I discuss polyamory with people, though, most people express a lot of skepticism about whether it can ever really work. Many people seem to believe that it will always break down into jealousy and conflict.

From my own experience, I know that polyamory is not only possible, but actually quite blissful. I already practice a non-sexual form of polyamory. My guiding principle, from ACIM, is this:

Under the Holy Spirit's teaching all relationships are seen as total commitments, yet they do not conflict with one another in any way. Perfect faith in each one, for its ability to satisfy you completely, arises only from perfect faith in yourself.

So then the question becomes, is a sexual form of polyamory equally possible?

Rori Raye talks a lot about Circular Dating, which may or may not be sexual depending on what FEELS good to the woman involved. (Here is an example of one of her posts.)

One of the many inspirational things I saw on last weekend's Vegas trip was Johnny Soporno's model of polyamory and open relationships. Johnny has a primary girlfriend and he also has a number of girl friends with whom he has sex. And he REALLY makes it work. I asked him for some articles explaining how he does it, and he offered these two:

My 'Two Rules' to happy, comfortable non-exclusive relationships

Converting Girl Friends into 'Girlfriends'

Johnny has two elegant rules:

Rule One: I WILL BE NO WOMAN'S ONLY MALE LOVER!

Rule Two: Every girlfriend MUST COMMIT TO DO HER BEST to get along with my other girlfriends.

He elaborates on both rules in his article. What really speaks to me is the emphasis on non-exclusivity as a road to harmony. Why do relationships fall apart? Usually because someone is trying to get most or all their needs met by ONE PERSON. It just puts too much pressure on relationships. Under Johnny's model, EVERYONE is circular dating. And this means people are getting their needs met by multiple people.

If you will allow me a metaphor: This is very much in line with the theories behind acupuncture and other energy healing techniques. The idea is that chi (the life force energy) is intelligent. If unblocked, it goes exactly where it needs to go. Health issues, conflicts, and other problems arise only when energy is blocked.

Similarly, under Johnny's model, the energy among people can flow freely. If you have a lot of trust in the Divine Intelligence, as I do, each person will always end up with exactly the right person to meet their needs at that moment ... as long as the energy is unconstricted. The trouble starts when people try to get and keep anyone or anything for themselves alone, thus constricting the flow of the energy. Sharing is caring!!

What I want to emphasize is that, from everything I saw last weekend, Johnny's model of polyamory really does empower him to have enduring and relatively peaceful relationships with multiple women. So he's definitely on to something!! :-)

For a previous blog entry on a similar type of polyamorous relationship that Entropy PUA has with his girlfriend, click HERE.

Hypnotica and the Power of Congruent Masculine Intent

Over the past weekend, as many of you know, I was in Las Vegas for Johnny Soporno's bootcamp. We had so much fun!!! I also was delighted to have the opportunity to sit in on the final day of Sinn's bootcamp. And there will be many stories and entertaining blog entries here this week, as soon as I have some time to write them up.

For now, I wanted to share one of the many highlights.

Steve Piccus and Hypnotica were guest speakers at Johnny's bootcamp on Friday. I'll be writing more about their remarkable contributions to the weekend experience later this week. I just wanted to get this down about the amazing power of congruent masculine intention.

We were sitting in a hotel suite room with somewhere around 20 people. Steve P. and Hypnotica were sitting at the front of the room and talking to guys about inner game issues. Hypnotica was talking directly to a guy who was sitting on a couch near the front of the room. I was sitting further back in the crowd, seemingly anonymous ;-)

But all of a sudden as I'm sitting there, I feel my entire body light up. It felt like I was on fire, with heat and energy and euphoria flowing up and down from head to feet. And then an instant later, Hypnotica turned his head from the guy he had been talking to over to me and made hard eye contact with me. In that moment, I realized it was his intention I was feeling.

He asked me with his eyes, and I nodded, acknowledging the connection that had just been formed. And then he asked me to explain to the audience what had just happened. I told them what I was feeling in my body and how turned on it made me. He asked me, "now if we were able to go somewhere right now, would this get physical?" My unequivocal answer was "Yes."

I talk a lot about this on my blog, how the guys who are most effective at picking me up often do it without any words at all. I'm already "into them" before they ever open their mouth. These rare guys have cleared the static out of their vibe to such an extent that they can form an intense connection with a woman non-verbally.

Anyway, thus began a connection that is still continuing, right now long distance. When I tune in to his energy, I can still feel him just like I did during the presentation.

This is why I focus so much on inner game issues in this blog. The best routines and pickup lines in the world will not clear out enough static out of a guy's vibe to give him the intentional power that Hypnotica has harnessed. Whereas my experience suggests that tools like meditation, EFT, and other things I talk about on this blog do have the potential to give a guy access to his pure masculine intent.

More about all this later this week ... please stay tuned :-)

Inner Game: where does your happiness come from?

What is Inner Game?

I just saw this quotation on the internet:

We turn away from primal perfection, our completeness, our unity with the world…

... we create an illusion that we need something exterior to ourselves for our completion…

... this dependency on what is exterior is what makes a man’s ego.

This is the essence of understanding inner game.

So where does your happiness come from? If it comes from controlling anything or anyone outside of yourself, then it is fragile indeed. If happiness comes from needing a particular outcome with a particular person, it will be thrashed against the rocks at the ocean shore until there is nothing left of it.

"The light of strength is constant, sure as love, forever glad to give itself away, because it cannot give but to itself. No one can ask in vain to share its sight, and none who enters its abode can leave without a miracle before his eyes, and strength and light abiding in his heart." - ACIM

Practical Inner Game -- the Feelings Barometer

In an ever-shifting world, how do we keep our inner game rock solid? The best way I have found is paying attention to my feelings, literally moment to moment.

Say I'm in a conversation with a man. Even if it's a fairly heated conversation, I will stay in the conversation as long as I'm feeling good about it. Which means we are both making a sincere effort to connect.

But if I feel my energy drop, a sensation that for me is usually somewhere in my gut or solar plexus, or occasionally as happened yesterday in a conversation with a man, he is being rough enough that I get tears in my eyes, I pay attention to those feelings. Then I check in with myself and let intuition guide what I'm going to do.

What I will NOT do, ever again, is stay in a situation that feels bad to me. I realize now that my feeling good is literally the ONLY thing that really matters. If I feel good, people around me will feel good, so it's truly the greatest gift that I can give to the world.

How to Navigate Bad-Feeling Situations: The Willingness to Communicate or Let Go

In non-violent communication parlance, a drop in my energy level (with feelings such as fear, sadness, anger, frustration, etc.) generally means that some need of mine is not being met. In a conversation with a man, the needs not getting met tend to be for respect, care, consideration, mutuality, communication, and so forth.

In concrete terms, perhaps a man has begun criticizing or shaming me for something in the past (which is over and done with, and which I am obviously powerless to change). Perhaps he is trying to make me "work" for his attention and affection. Perhaps he is putting responsibility for things on me instead of taking responsibility for his part in things. Those are the sort of things that may trigger a drop in my energy level.

What many people do in these situations, and once upon a time I did it in spades, is try to "fix" the situation, i.e., by compensating in some way in an effort to get the other person's approval back. Indeed, some pickup artists rely on that human reflex to get what they want from women.

That's not my way. Not anymore. What matters to me now is maintaining my own internal state of happiness. Put on your own oxygen mask before helping others! ;-)

So I've replaced the old model (supplicate, fight, or flee) with new options, and which option I choose is based almost entirely on moment-to-moment intuition:

1. Communicate in a non-violent way in an attempt to get both of our needs met, or
2. Step back from what doesn't feel good and restore happiness internally.