Wednesday, April 29, 2009
This is not selfless. This is full-on selfishness. It feels way better for ME to appreciate other people. It feels way better for me to see the love behind the hate, and to notice all the little ways that people support me (little do they know it, often supporting me even with their criticism, which either helps me clarify my own perspectives or sends my blog traffic through the roof ... lol :-)
So this is my 30-day challenge. To focus as much as I possibly can, for 30 days, entirely on people's loving and positive attributes and on all the ways they make my life happier and more alive. If anyone would like to join me in setting this intention, I welcome your support and comraderie.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Well, it's been a while since we had A Course in Miracles moment, but clearly it's time for some healing in this community. We've got a lot of gurus who are no longer talking to each other. We've got a lot of people reacting to each other, myself included. We've got a lot of hurt feelings going around, and guess where they originated? From all the hating.
So it's time for some ACIM.
Why do people hate? Because they think it makes them powerful. They feel powerless, and it gives them some semblance of a feeling of control over the world. In truth, though, hate is a lack of power. Someone far wiser than me put it this way:
Frantic and loud and strong the dark ones seem to be. Yet they know not their "enemy," except they hate him. In hatred they have come together, but have not joined each other. For had they done so hatred would be impossible. The army of the powerless must be disbanded in the presence of strength. Those who are strong are never treacherous, because they have no need to dream of power and to act out their dream. ... This is no army, but a madhouse. What seems to be a planned attack is bedlam.
The army of the powerless is weak indeed. It has no weapons and it has no enemy. Yes, it can overrun the world and seek an enemy. But it can never find what is not there. Yes, it can dream it found an enemy, but this will shift even as it attacks, so that it runs at once to find another, and never comes to rest in victory. And as it runs it turns against itself, thinking it caught a glimpse of the great enemy who always eludes its murderous attack by turning into something else. How treacherous does this enemy appear, who changes so it is impossible even to recognize him.
Yet hate must have a target. There can be no faith in sin without an enemy. Who that believes in sin would dare believe he has no enemy? Could he admit that no one made him powerless? Reason would surely bid him seek no longer what is not there to find. Yet first he must be willing to perceive a world where it is not. It is not necessary that he understand how he can see it. Nor should he try. For if he focuses on what he cannot understand, he will but emphasize his helplessness, and let sin tell him that his enemy must be himself. But let him only ask himself these questions, which he must decide, to have it done for him:
Do I desire a world I rule instead of one that rules me?
Do I desire a world where I am powerful instead of helpless?
Do I desire a world in which I have no enemies and cannot sin?
And do I want to see what I denied because it is the truth?
The truth is that the only person we can hate is ourself.
The only person we can attack or criticize is ourself.
The enemy is always ourself.
It was way more fun when we were all friends.
We are far more powerful as a team.
So let's forgive each other and let bygones be bygones.
This could be in the arena of "small" things, such as where he wants to go to a concert and she wants to stay home. Or it could be in the arena of "big" things, such as where one partner would like to have children sooner than the other, and the other partner is worried about not having as much freedom as he/she would like.
I personally like to keep the overall frame of "if we stay connected and really listen to each other, there is always some way for all needs to be met in this situation."
I'm intrigued by the idea of rating the intensity of each person's desire to do a particular thing, such as, "this is my favorite band, and they never go on tour, it's a 9 for me to go to this concert." That person might also say, "and it's a 7 for you to come with me to the concert, because I really want to share this music with you." And then, the other person, whose desire to stay home may be only at a 5, might realize that the sharing of the experience is more important to her than staying home, so her 5 might drop to 1, and her desire to the concert might go from 0 to 7.
Mostly, I'm curious how you all address situations like these in your relationships, how you stay connected even when it seems like there is an apparent conflict, especially about big things.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
1. Buy Rori Raye's wonderful book, Have the Relationship You Want, by clicking through the banner ad on the right-hand side bar.
As you all well know, I am a fan of Rori's work. Why? Because I read pretty much every dating advice book for girls that is on the market, and most of them are hogwash, but Rori's advice actually works. That's because it's not about games and manipulation. It's about radical honesty, sticking up for yourself, developing your feminine energy, and getting clear about what you really want for your life.
2. Donate (button in the right-hand side bar).
On that note, I'm perplexed by some of the attitudes about money that I'm seeing in the seduction community, and I'm going to be writing an article about the Seduction Community and Your Wallet very soon.
Also, since Emotional Freedom Technique is so powerful for working with people's abundance issues, perhaps I'll do some articles about that as well.
Cheerio for now.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
"again, what does commitment means to you erika? deep attachement?
perhaps you could give us examples..."
What does commitment mean to me? Call me traditional, I won't mind, this is what it means to me:
1. Permanent: It means I'm bonded to a guy for life. It means we are putting our lives together, come what may. It means I can count on the fact that I'm going to wake up with him tomorrow, and next month, and next year, and many years from now.
2. The relationship trumps: It means we are both committed (duh) to the relationship. It means we are both committed to finding ways for both of us to get our needs met and be happy. It means if we have a fight, we are both committed to working it out rather than running for the exit. If we are in a polyamorous situation, our relationship trumps all the other connections, and we attend to it first, even if that means being monogamous.
3. Having kids: I'm excited to have children. I'm excited to do a lot of other things too, such as travel, start a business, and so forth. I'm confident we can do it all, and he is too.
4. Radical honesty and authenticity: It means we're going to be more honest and authentic and transparent with each other than we ever believed possible.
5. Relaxation and surrender: Part of the reason commitment is so important to me is that it's the only way to surrender fully into a relationship, which is something that is very important to me. In other words, the "doubt" dial is turned to zero.
6. It's a "we" thing: We are a team, and I can count on that, day in and day out. Yes, of course we have our own individual feelings and interests, but we are committed to being a team. We hold each other's needs equal to our own.
7. No "compromising": We stay in communication until we find outcomes both of us are happy about. Compromise leads to resentment, whereas what I'm talking about is having faith that there's always a way to get both people's needs met in satisfying way. It just might take a little creativity and flexibility about the form of things.
8. Shared purpose: Honestly, I don't even see the point of a relationship if people don't have this. A relationship needs a bigger purpose than just the two people's individual needs in order to have true staying power. For me, this will probably end up being some form of joint relationship coaching situation.
9. Full presence: One thing I've noticed about non-committed situations is how difficult it is to maintain full presence. Until people have made the decision to be together permanently, there is a tendency for some energy to be distracted off in other relationships, etc. I'm no longer willing to settle for the wishy-washiness of that because after a person has experienced full presence with another person, it's really difficult to go back to anything "halfway."
10. Having my feelings cherished: This is a feminine energy thing. If I don't feel good about something in the relationship, I expect him to stay in connection with me until we find something that does feel good for both of us.
The long and the short of it is that I'm holding out for a man who is going to be a team with me forever. A man who is offering a good deal for my life. When it comes to commitment, anything less than everything is nothing.
This is why I endorse Rori Raye's "no girlfriend" rule. I don't want to be a girlfriend, I want to be married. I see the rewards of commitment from the right man as far outweighing the rewards of "keeping all my options open," but I refuse to settle for less than full commitment. So I will play the field and practice abstinence until that is a reality.
And I must say, it's been a lot of fun playing the field ... for the most part, I've been having the time of my life :-)
p.s. A girlfriend and I went out to Americano earlier this week, and some guys approached us. One of the guys saw my friend a little later and said to her, "I'd really like to go out with your friend (meaning me), but it seems like she is expensive." And that is exactly the response I want guys to have to me.
Now, mind you, I didn't explicitly say anything to him about holding out for the right guy, not being available for casual sex, etc. But nowadays I subcommunicate all of that with my whole being, so I don't need to say it. This is a good thing because I'm screening guys for their level of sincerity and readiness for a real relationship from the very first interaction.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
One the the Anonymouses asked this question:
"again, what does commitment means to you erika? deep attachement?
perhaps you could give us examples..."
So ever since that comment came in, I've been relishing the prospect of writing up an answer ... it's fun because in a way I get to imagine my life exactly the way I would like it to be. Almost like a blog vision board.
I would also like to hear from all of you about what commitment means to you, since we have no shortage of diverse opinions around here ;-)
But ... right now I'm off to Ottimista ... so it'll have to wait until a little later.
p.s. If you're enjoying the articles here, please support me by following this blog and/or subscribing to this blog (buttons in the right-hand side bar). And please tell your friends about Awakening from the Dream. You can also support me by posting the articles to www.stumbleupon.com, www.digg.com, and services like that. Thank you!!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Have sex with a woman as soon as possible because that will give you the most options about where the relationship goes from there.
I've then heard dating coaches go on to talk about how the woman will be more invested in you, she'll "backwards rationalize" why she's in love with you, etc. I've heard dating coaches tell men, if she has sex with you, you then hold all the cards. You can turn it into a long-term relationship (LTR). Or you can turn her into a f**k buddy or "friend with benefits" if that's what you want.
Probably no one who reads this blog regularly will be surprised to know that I disagree with this approach completely.
Indeed, having sex too early can easily cause a relationship to self-destruct. Similarly, having sex without a clear alignment of both parties' expectations about what that means can easily lead to all kinds of misunderstandings and unhappiness.
My advice is very different from the conventional wisdom: if you care about the girl and where this is going, do NOT have sex until you are sure that you both agree wholeheartedly about what it means.
Let me tell you how this happens emotionally for most women. Having sex triggers a hormonally-based emotional response that reduces her outcome-independence. So, yes, most women will become more invested in you.
Now at first glance, that may sound great for the guy. "Oh, yippee, now I can call the shots in this relationship," he may think.
But remember the immutable spiritual truth: there is no such thing as win/lose. Anything that is win/lose will ALWAYS, one hundred percent of the time, become lose/lose.
Sometimes this will result in a relationship that is not satisfying for either party: Maybe on the outside it looks great for the man because he's got a "harem" and lots of sexual options. But in truth what he has are a bunch of not-so-happy women in his life, which ultimately will drag him down too. (And, remember, many women have not yet learned to be authentic about their feelings, so they may go along with it for a while, but ultimately he's going to hear about it, probably in ways that don't feel very good. Women with lower self-esteem and hazy boundaries will stick around longer but not in a way that's going to be satisfying to either the man or the woman.)
Often this will simply result in losing the girl. If a man were to seduce me with what I perceive to be implications of a LTR and then tried to convert me into a friend with benefits, I'm gone. I hold men accountable for what they say and subcommunicate to me, even if it's not convenient for them. In fact, this is about the fastest way I can think of to lose a high self-esteem girl.
Of course, I love hearing other viewpoints. Why else would I write this blog? But I'm here to tell you that the "have sex as early as possible" school of teaching has all kinds of downsides that are never discussed, and that there is a LOT of value in waiting.
There are lots of ways to continue to build chemistry with a girl without having sex with her. The truth is that going about things the slower way ultimately will result in a more satisfying experience for both parties. And, wow, you had better make sure the intentions are aligned if you want to keep the girl around.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
This first series of posts is not about making the man wrong, or about moving on, or about anything cool or reasonable or even understanding anything or learning the lesson.
This is about saying NO.
Even when you don’t have full information.
This is not about throwing things away, or belittling someone or yourself, or talking, or communicating, or arguing, or trying to understand, or giving someone the benefit of the doubt, or even getting into your feelings and expressing them.
Those are all well and good - those are crucial, but they cannot happen until you can say NO.
You cannot say yes to ANYTHING until you can say no to something.
Until you can say NO to what you don’t want, you can’t say Yes to what you do want.
In fact, until you can say NO to what you don’t want, you can’t even KNOW what it is you DO want.
This is powerful stuff for all of the women reading here. I've been reading Rori's blog for some time, and I gotta say, this may be the most powerful post she has ever written.
I have written about this before.
A woman MUST say no to what doesn't feel good. She must REMOVE HERSELF from dating situations that feel awful. She must do it without regard for the outcome of the relationship because SHE IS NOT DOING IT FOR THE RELATIONSHIP. She is doing it for her own dignity, for her own self-respect, and for her own self-esteem. It is not about the man. It is about HER.
A man recently asked me to be "friends." My answer was an unequivocal NO. He tried to reason with me, but I've done enough dating to know where that leads. It leads to hating each other. And I have no interest or energy for hating anyone. I would rather leave the situation altogether.
So here's some raw text dialogue for you. This is as honest and raw and vulnerable as it gets, and I didn't say these things for him. I said them for me. I didn't say these things to blame him, but I did say them to hold him, and me, and my subconscious mind, and the Universe accountable.
There is a huge difference, my friends, between blame and accountability. Blame is destructive. But accountability is indispensable. Without accountability, where is trust? Where is integrity? Where is self-respect?
Me: I didn't allow myself to go down this path so that we could be friends.
Him: Me neither. But it's obvious we want pretty different things right now. It could change in the future. ...
Me: Very well then. I like you a lot but no thanks.
Him: Haha, what do you want from me? You make no sense to me sometimes.
Me: I'm not about to settle for less than what our connection deserves. I'd rather remember it fondly.
Him: Is it less? Or just different? I've never understood the "all or nothing" mindset.
Me: It feels like a lot less to me. It feels like a cop-out. It feels like I was led down the path of sun moon and stars and then when I got there someone said here would you mind settling for these crumbs instead. If you have ideas that might feel better I'm all ears. For now the answer is a polite no thank you.
And later I said:
Me: I love you a lot and I'll miss you but I do not want an uncommitted relationship.
I have a marriage offer on the table from another man. A wonderful, sexy, and reliable man's man. Why on earth would I settle for crumbs?
And you, my dear female readers, shouldn't either.
Learn to say no. It's not about him. It's about YOU.
It's by saying no to what we don't want, powerfully and unequivocally, that we make the space in our lives for what we do want.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Goldilocks was a sweet girl. Objectively, she was about a 7.25 on the HB ten-point scale. A little chubby and a little plain. But being blonde, she got an extra two points from Savoy. :-p ... So she considered herself a 9.25, which, truth be told, every woman should.
One day, Goldilocks was innocently minding her own business, wearing a little red-checked pinafore and bonnet, when she came upon three PUAs in a meadow.
The first PUA, having been taught the three-second rule, immediately approached her.
"You should come with us to Mel's Diner," he said.
Goldilocks was taken aback by his abrupt approach. She was a little shy and, although in truth she didn't have a boyfriend, she immediately said to PUA #1, "oh, I have a boyfriend." PUA #1 was dejected and said "oh I'm sorry" and walked away.
Meanwhile, PUA #2, having been taught the "too cool for school" form of pickup, practiced active disinterest and didn't show the slightest interest in Goldilocks. She concluded that he was arrogant and ignored him.
Now, PUA #3, observing all of this, remembered the Zan seminar he'd been to a year earlier.
He walked up to Goldilocks. "You said you have a boyfriend. I understand. And we'd still love to spend the day with you. Come with us to Mel's Diners."
"Well," (demurely) "I don't know if I should," replied Goldilocks.
"Of course you shouldn't. We are three PUAs," said PUA #3. "I understand, and you're still invited."
Goldilocks felt intrigued by this PUA #3. PUA #1's approach was too abrupt. PUA #2's approach was non-existent. But PUA #3's approach was just right :-) So -- even though she was very scared of PUAs, and for good reason -- she said, "Well, ok, I suppose there's no harm in going to Mel's Diner. I just want you to know that nothing's going to happen between us."
"I understand," said PUA #3, "and you're still invited."
So Goldilocks and the three PUAs set off for Mel's Diner.
"Dude," said PUA #1 to PUA #3, "you totally pulled her. How did you do that?" PUA #3 just smiled.
(To be continued ... lol :-)
I'm just coming out of a very intense non-dating related project, and am still decompressing from that. We got a good result, but it was a very intense process.
Anyway, I've been receiving a high volume of emails, private messages, and so forth, many asking for advice about particular dating situations. My apologies to those who've not received a response. I have been buried and have not had time to respond to many of them.
Now as things are calming down again ... What I'm probably going to do is start offering a private email consultation service. This will be a reasonably priced flat fee service. You can send in your questions and receive a detailed private answer from me with an assessment of what dynamics are at play in your situation and advice for improving your results. All private consultation emails will be answered within 3 days, usually sooner.
More about this very soon ... if you're interested and want to know more, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
So last night I was going out with Czech Girl. Then another girlfriend, we'll call her Player Girl (because many guys have accused her of being a "player," lol :-) wanted to go out, so I invited her along.
Next I received an email from another girlfriend, we'll call her Marin Goddess Girl (she has her own blog, which you can read here), also interested in going out. So I invited her along. As far as I'm concerned, it's pretty much always "the more the merrier."
This is when things start getting humorous. Goddess Girl sends me this email:
"Great! I'd love to come ... are you open to meeting a swami guy who spent 6 months in Osho's ashram with Osho 20 years ago ... or is this a girl's evening?"
Lol :-) My response?
"The more the merrier."
The next thing I know we're all at Ace Wasabi, drinking hot sake and having a great time. Swami is about a half foot shorter than Goddess Girl, and is wearing a knit cap and a baseball cap over it.
By the time I found Czech Girl, she had already been opened by this new guy (we'll call him Tall Guy). I started talking to them, and he was making me laugh so hard I was literally crying. Definitely a man after the seduction community's heart in that regard.
You've got to imagine this motley crew we had become. Four pretty hot girls. One very tall guy we'd never met before who somehow melded into our group. And one very short and slight Swami.
Swami started doing some healings with Czech Girl right there at the table, and next thing I know, Tall Guy, Czech Girl, and Swami are all holding hands and crying.
I think we got a group photo. Absolutely priceless :-)
Next we went to California Wine Merchant on Chestnut. I know the bartender there. I walk in and he hugs me, and then he says "is that your friend?" pointing at Goddess Girl. I nodded. "She's hot," he says. I'm just laughing because we've been through this so many times, every time I bring a new friend into the place ... he thinks ALL my girlfriends are hot.
Anyway, tonight Mr. Big Guy is taking me out. On a real date.
More news soon ... hope everyone has a wonderful Saturday night.
Well, guess what, ladies and gentlemen ... Erika has been invited to speak at the Convention this summer. How cool is that? I'm very excited :-)
The Convention will be held from Thursday, July 23, 2009 to Sunday, July 26, 2009 in Orlando, Florida.
Other confirmed speakers include Dream, Adam Lyons, Manwhore, Mehow, Matador (mmm... lots of Ms) and many more.
So you can get your tickets HERE. It's going to be a blast. Hooray!
Friday, April 10, 2009
I want to include an excerpt here from an article he wrote about women declining pre-marital sex.
Now, as a man, I can be tried for treason for what I am about to say, but let the truth be told. There is a lie, a GREAT LIE that has been drummed up and perpetuated in our world that if a woman doesn't go to bed with a man she loves then she will lose her chance to win his love in return. This is absolutely false, but men have succeeded for the most part in convincing women that it is true.
Tom goes on to say the following:
Some men would accuse me of breaking the "code" of my own gender by openly telling you this, but I'm not here to uphold an immoral code I don't believe in. I believe that in order for men to be truly happy, they must eventually enter a win/win relationship that includes exchanging a committed marital vow in return for the sexual affection bestowed. I believe in paying for what I get, emotionally speaking. This is not only best for the woman; in the long run it is best for the man as well.
Those men who "cheat" a woman of her rightful due in this regard will learn in due course that they have only been cheating themselves. When a man uses a woman for sex, always pretending to leave the door open to marriage (just enough to keep her hoping), it is never win/win. It is actually win/lose. And if win/lose, then ultimately it will be lose/lose, even for him.
Those who read my blog regularly know this is a common theme of mine. There is NO SUCH THING as win/lose. Anything that is win/lose will be seen, sooner or later, as lose/lose. This is why women MUST LEAVE relationship situations that do not feel good to them and that have not changed when the woman expressed herself honestly.
Woman yearns mostly for love and commitment. Man primarily desires sex. The fair tradeoff is: sex in a loving and committed marriage. Women traditionally have had a strong bargaining chip when coming to the negotiating table. But somewhere over the last century, men have succeeded in bluffing women out of their strong position. Most women don't know how powerful they really are, if they just exercise their determination in this regard. Man has stood eyeball to eyeball to woman, and she has blinked!! It was a bluff on his part "it's always been a bluff" and the woman has fallen for it. The bluff is that if a woman doesn't go to bed with a man if she loves him then she will lose her chance to win his love in return.
In actuality, men prefer strong women who can resist them and say no. Men need strong women who can say no. Admittedly this paradox is frustrating to a man, because he is also fighting a sexual urge that is both constant and strong all the time. But emotional and spiritual growth never was easy, and a permissive woman denies him this opportunity to progress.
So there it is, folks. Man and woman were given drives that seem to be in conflict so that they could progress enough spiritually to find a happy win/win resolution.
I have spent this past eight months experimenting with how different ways of approaching this made me feel, and I can assure you that the two choices now for me are abstinence or full commitment. There is no middle ground that feels good to me. And nothing matters as much to me anymore as feeling good on a consistent basis.
(I'm also pretty convinced from reading the comments on Rori's blog that there are a lot of women who, deep down, feel the same way I do.)
In other news, Hypnotica persuaded me to install Skype and (when I actually have some free time, in about a week) a web cam. I am highly technology-resistant, so this took a while, but I am now seeing the usefulness of these media for teaching the material discussed on this blog. Who knows, maybe he and I will have some fun inner game co-creations for you all one of these days soon ;-)
Monday, April 6, 2009
Speaking of anger, I enjoyed Rori's post today about "friends with benefits," an arrangement that may work for some people but that I personally want no part of in my life because it feels awful. I encourage women to be very clear about what they want and don't want with men, and to communicate clear "nos" to what they don't want.
Now ... on to today's report. So back in early March, I attended Mehow's 10SSA SuperConference. 10SSA, for those who are not familiar, stands for "10 second sexual attraction." The conference was packed, in part because it had both regular students and guys from Mehow's instructor program.
Through no fault of Mehow's, I ended up being a little less present for that weekend than I have for other conferences. This was because I lost my wallet on the airplane and arrived in Vegas with one dollar to my name, no credit cards, nothing. After having the taxi driver threaten to call the police and a big drama just to get a hotel room for the night, I was a little preoccupied and basically out of commission until my friend Matrix Guy had the brilliant idea of taking a personal check down to the casino. I had forgotten that, this being Vegas, and I being in a casino ... OF COURSE they would find a way to get me cash. Lol :-)
There's a happy ending to this story, for those of you who think there are no honest people in the world. After I got back to San Francisco, Southwest Airlines called to let me know that they not only had my wallet, but also that it had all the cash still in it. Talk about good karma :-) I do my best to be honest with people, and I find that this creates amazing amounts of good karma coming right back at me.
So back to the conference ... here are some things I really liked:
* First of all, I really like Mehow's book, which is entitled, not surprisingly, Ten Second Sexual Attraction. It's a real book, for those who are weary of e-books (which I am, so am considering converting my upcoming e-book into a series of videos instead). Mehow's book is well-organized, easy-to-read with big print, and (appropriately) physically attractive. He has a good mix of theory and actual samples of dialogue.
One of my favorite lines in the whole book is in the section on Friends: "If you have men in your life that aren't on a path to enlightenment you will have to let them go and find new ones. Note that very few men are on the path to enlightenment." What I love about this is Mehow's recognition that this whole "seduction" business is really a path to enlightenment (which only a few people seem to recognize), but he just slides it into the middle of the book with no fanfare. Nice.
* The speakers I saw were great. DJ Fuji always does a nice job. I also got to see El Topo and Kamouflage speak for the first time. They were all great. I missed a lot of the other speakers though, due to the wallet issue and timing of airplane flights.
* Mehow's introduction used quite a bit of actual video footage in which he was picking up on an actual girl. The footage was effective and made the presentation more lively. I also like that Mehow likes sassy girls! ;-) Not only that, he said "I'm bored of hot girls." Amen. I love it when a guy is evolved enough to recognize that what really intrigues him about a woman longer term has nothing to do with looks.
* One of my favorite aspects of the SuperConference is that Mehow and the other instructors actually took the guys out. Frankly, I've had enough of seminars with gurus talk talk talking. I would like to see way more live action cuz I think guys learn better that way. Plus, the instructors need to walk their talk.
So Mehow set up a private room with bottle service at one of the clubs, and this ended up giving the guys a fun home base for attracting women. Meanwhile, the instructors were out on the dance floor with the guys helping them open sets. In my view, this is the way the business should be run. A bunch of the guys ended up having success with women THAT night. Including a few lays.
Business-wise, I also want to put in a plug for Mehow's win/win attitude. He seems to be one of the few in the business who has recognized that we all achieve more success by helping each other (linking each other's blogs, sharing articles, inviting each other to events, etc.). I'd like to see more of that attitude prevailing in the community at large.
Ok, I'm out of time for now ... see you all soon.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
This afternoon, while I was out in the glorious woods of Marin mountain biking among the spring flowers, I received this text from Mr. Big Guy (I've written about him here, here, and here (last part of the post where it talks about "pack of wolves," lol)):
It was great to see you last night -- I especially enjoyed consuming you with my bear hug. Let's do it again and soon -- this time just you and I.
I was giving some thought to your project while sending you much love this morning ...
You see? He was sending me love, and I could feel it.
This is why I send out as much love as I can, every day, to as many people as I can.
A couple of posts ago, I mentioned that I am not anti-anything. This is actually an important principle of Project Congruence: Turning Chodes Into Men.
Haven't you all heard that anything you resist grows stronger? It's true. By being anti-war, we are actually promoting war. This is why Mother Theresa was willing to participate in pro-peace rallies but not in anti-war rallies.
This is why getting caught up in grudge matches and lawsuits tends to be counterproductive. Of course it's all about the intention behind what we do. Sometimes confrontations are necessary vehicles for communication and resolution. Other times, they merely serve to make a conflict more entrenched and acrimonious. Is our intention to harm or to heal?
As we become more calibrated, we can actually FEEL the difference. We begin to have an intuition about when it's best to turn the other cheek and when it's best to stand up for what we believe in.
Anyway, the same principles apply to our inner self, which we'll be working with in Project Congruence. Hating or opposing any part of ourselves is counterproductive. If we beat ourselves up, we are actually making the parts of ourselves that we don't like even stronger. Whereas when we work with a self-loving and self-accepting intention to heal, we are empowered to bring the parts of ourselves that we're not crazy about into alignment and harmony with our full self. In other words: we don't fight the negative parts, we integrate them. Again, it's a matter of intention.
"Be really whole, and all things will come to you."
In Project Congruence, we will be taking real live guys and taking them beyond duality and limiting beliefs to congruence by harmonizing their internally conflicting thoughts and feelings.
What is real power?
"Power cannot oppose." It can only embrace.
"For opposition would weaken it, and weakened power is contradiction in ideas."
Power is "single thoughts, complete and happy, without opposite."
Real power means ... you think something, and because you don't think anything (on a conscious or subconscious level) that contradicts it or cancels it out, it comes true.
All power is at the level of our belief systems.
This is what we will demonstrate in Project Congruence.
Meanwhile, in the latest Erika news: Last night I went out with Mr. Big Guy, Crystal Grid Guy (another Burning Man friend), and Firecracker Girl (so dubbed because all my guy friends say "wow, that girl is sassy, I like her."). The chemistry between me and Mr. Big Guy has been building for a while and reached a pretty high point last night. But ... given my recent feelings, don't hold your breath for a LR quite yet. ;-)
Friday, April 3, 2009
Suddenly, in walks this man. He’s as well-dressed as anyone else and there’s nothing special about his looks. When he enters the room, he stops, smiles, and lets everyone notice him. Then, he confidently and deliberately walks right up to the hottest girl, passionately looks her in the eyes and said “I think you’re sexy, and I just had to come meet you. No one else here really captures my interest, and I’d rather spend my time getting to know just you. Let’s go get a drink somewhere else.”
And do you know what she said? She said, “I’d love to.” And they left together.
For me, this shows the power of decisiveness.
Decisiveness is a sign of congruence. It means a man's intentions and actions line up in a harmonious way.
By contrast, nothing kills attraction faster than wishy-washiness and indecision.
So, whether you are a man or a woman, it's important to know what you want, and also to know that you absolutely, positively will not settle for less. That you would rather walk away than settle. Always.
This is what Project Congruence: Turning Chodes Into Men is all about. And I'm happy to report that a bunch of people have volunteered to help me with filming, editing, and participating in these new videos that will demonstrate how to save yourself YEARS of effort in becoming congruent and internally harmonized.
So that you can be the guy who walks into the club and walks out with the girl.