The Enormous Power of Reframing: My Heart is Breaking Open

Yesterday I wrote about feeling sad and like my heart was broken. Then I canceled a date and went into deep sleep and meditation (for those who've never tried it, I highly recommend Holosync).

I woke up feeling refreshed and picked up my iPhone to find a huge number of new emails and notifications. There was an enormous outpouring of support on Facebook, including several private messages, and several people picked up on a common theme:

Josh said: "We will all have experiences meant to 'break our hearts'—not in half but wide open." - Don Miguel Ruiz, 'The Voice of Knowledge: A Practical Guide to Inner Peace'

Philip said: breaking open....is a beautiful thing even through the tears...and the universe will wipe your wipe your cheeks, om shanti

A said: yes... they break open. sending you love! ♥

See the reframe? My heart is not broken, it is breaking open.

Immediately, this reframe felt true. Notice in my blog post that I did not say that someone or something broke my heart. I just felt heartbroken. It doesn't feel like present moment sadness. It feels like lots of old sadnesses, from a past long ago forgotten, that were never expressed and released.

This reframe also feels more empowering. I'm not shutting down. I'm breaking open. My heart is releasing the old garbage to make way for infinite amounts of love and lightness. The Universe is preparing me for a love greater than any I've yet seen.

Anyway, the power of reframing is one of the seduction community's major unrecognized gifts to the world. In my speech at the 21 Convention, I mentioned that reframing is a way of progressively cleaning up our belief systems so that we live our way into a much more fulfilling reality.

How can we tell the difference between a limiting belief and an empowering belief? By how it feels in our bodies. Limiting beliefs feel ... well, limiting. They feel like constriction and pain and doubt and hesitation. Empowering beliefs feel heart-opening. They feel like "I can do anything I set my mind to, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do to stop me."

Anyway, I am loving this Heart Breaking Open reframe. Thank you, Facebook Angels.

When sadness feels bottomless ...

That's how I've felt for a while now. Like my heart breaks over and over again ...

I'm not looking for advice. Advice feels really annoying at times like this. I'm just going to feel it.

Life goes on. I go through my day pretty much like normal, I can still go out and have fun, but when I check in with myself, I feel sadness, betrayal, some anger, some boredom and apathy, a lot of disappointment ... but the most honest feeling is pure heartbreak.

Like I was evicted from Heaven, and I don't ever get to go back home again.

How important is a fancy White Wedding?

So I've got marriage talks going on several fronts. It's funny, it ends up looking like another form of flirting. Talking about marriage is a lot like talking about sex, it works best when it's playful and light. It's just another form of dancing, with each person taking another step in a direction and seeing how it feels.

But all this has definitely got me in a contemplative mood.

I always wanted a fairytale wedding. With the beautiful white dress and an incredibly romantic location. I imagined it being a lavish party, with all my friends from every area of my life. With fancy wine and food, a delight for the senses.

And now ... I dunno ... that image feels a little passe. It doesn't resonate with me the way it once did.

Don't get me wrong, I still want that lovely diamond and platinum engagement ring. But the big, plan-it-for-six-months-to-a-year, stress endlessly, get the whole family involved, traditional "celebration" somehow feels now like ... I dunno, overkill. It feels like money that could be better spent elsewhere.

Oh, that reminds me of the Sex and the City movie. Yeah, I'm feeling kind of like that, that the little City Hall ceremony would feel better to me now. It would feel lighter and less like a tribute to ego and inflated expectations.

Or maybe having a big party, but instead of having the focus be on the two people getting married, which somehow now feels very heavy to me ... have the focus be on something about their life purpose. A huge party and celebration devoted to awakening and healing. A party devoted to everyone who attends instead of only the two people.

Anyway, it feels intriguing to realize how much my feelings have changed about all this.

Erika's "Why I don't like condoms" speech

Someone asked me to elaborate on this ... so here goes.

I don't like condoms because they are a cop-out. They are too "easy."

I hate how they feel. It's like someone took the saran-wrap out and drooped it all over everything, and how can anyone stand the drippy, icky way they feel after they've been used?

Let's go deeper. I feel sad when I see a used one on the sidewalk, all droopy and pathetic. What I envision is some anonymous encounter where neither person ever really connected.

Let's go deeper. Let's see ... I'm going to engage in this incredibly intimate act with someone and then ... well, it's like wearing gloves to shake hands. How impersonal does that feel?

No ... I tell you what. You want to have sex with me? Then there are no cop-outs. We go all the way. I only want to have sex with a man who understands what that means to a woman, deep down, emotionally, in her core. If I get pregnant, you're with me. We are in this together.

Condoms are a shortcut. I'm not interested in shortcuts. They feel like a barrier. They feel like a way of avoiding true intimacy.

If we go all the way, we go ALL the way. The emotional intimacy needs to match the physical intimacy.

Otherwise, I'll take my abstinence any day. I feel happy in my abstinence until the day my man shows up ... the one who'll go with me all the way. The one who'll be by my side for the rest of my life in this incarnation.

That's why I don't like condoms. That's why I won't use them.

When I say no to condoms, men have no choice but to face whatever they've been avoiding when it comes to intimacy.

No condoms, no casual sex, no disconnected sex, no being a "girlfriend." Either we are just friends, or you are the man who's here with me for the duration.

I feel happy to express all that. :-)

Thanks for listening.

I'm feeling a little bored ...

I realize this blog is all about "just be here now" and so forth. But it's also about radical honesty. And I gotta admit that I'm noticing lately feeling a little bored with blogging, with dating, and with the seduction community. I'm noticing that I've actually been feeling that way for a while now. I'm feeling unsure what this boredom thing is all about ...

Maybe part of it is that, in creating my new website, I've been looking at a lot of marketing and so forth, and I feel pretty queasy about it. Most sites are offering quick fixes and "the one secret you need to know" and promising the earth, moon, and stars, whereas my experience of all this stuff is that it's an organic process and doesn't happen overnight. I feel really blocked about the marketing side of this whole industry. I feel turned off. I feel like if I see one more page promising these men that they're going to have the hottest girl around, or promising women that they're going to marry the man of their dreams if only they will purchase a particular product, I may actually vomit.

Yet I also know how valuable the teachings can be for bringing people more happiness and self-empowerment. I just wish there were a better way to reach all the people who really need them.

I also feel like it's time for me to move on to a new challenge. I'm not sure what that is yet, but I'm feeling bored with circular dating.

I feel restless.

First Report from the 21 Convention

Mmmm ... so it feels good to be sitting on my own bed again. I arrived back on an early flight this morning and am trying to get caught up again.

On the gossip front, someone told me today that Sinn referred to me as "Crazy Erika" on his podcast. Lol :-) I love you too, Sinn. All I can say about this is that I've never seen a bigger case of the pot calling the kettle in my entire life.

Ahem ... Now back to our regularly scheduled broadcasting:

The Convention really was amazing. Kisses to Anthony (Dream) for being so dedicated about putting it together. I was there in Orlando start to finish, and there were a lot of amazing speakers that I'll write more about soon. I saw old friends like Psych and DJ Fuji and GoneSavage and El Topo and got to meet a bunch of new people, including Nick Sparks, Heartwork, Jtime, Nathan from RSD, Christian Hudson, Adam Lyons (and Amanda), and of course Dream himself. I'm especially excited to see the footage of our Q and A session at the end because I suspect it'll have high comedic value.

And my speech, which was entitled Spiritual Seduction: Change Your Love Life By Changing Your Belief System, was a lot of fun and very, very well received. I had a lot of fun doing the speech and even had the chance to teach Emotional Freedom Technique to the whole group of guys (in a quite humorous segment with a special guest who came on stage with me). Literally, we had the whole room tapping :-) I've been getting a lot of great feedback, but the footage probably won't be released until mid-September, so unfortunately those of you who weren't there are going to have to wait a bit to see it.

Mostly though the Convention was just damn fun. One highlight was when I walked out on the patio to see Psych (Jarett) teaching a huge group of guys "Dance Floor Game" by showing them his moves on another guy. I arrived just in the nick of time. "You guys need a girl up there?" DJ Fuji said I saved them from practicing "Gay Game" lol :-)

More on the gossip front: Drumroll please ... Erika somehow managed to hook up with three guys in the span of two days. Hehe, I feel a little shy about saying that :-) Of course we all know what the next question will be ... No, I did not have actual intercourse, but I did really enjoy my time with these three sexy guys. There was a LOT of good game going on at this Conference, and I had three episodes of "how exactly did we end up in bed together?" cuz it seemed so seamless and natural. Fun! Wow, I wish my girlfriends and I saw that caliber of game more often in San Francisco.

Special props to Francis Adams. I really enjoyed his speech, and later I told him that part of what I liked about it is he seems like a normal, social, cool guy. No weird lines and BS. Anyway, totally unpremeditated on either of our parts, we ended up at the bar together the last night, and well, one thing led to another. The next thing I know he and his friend are somehow taking a shower in my room (cuz of course they conveniently decided to check out one night early), we went to a bar, and the chemistry was awesome. Just like his speech, it was all authentic and relaxed and flowing. We got in a fun conversation and were vibing. He was great at leading, and well ... it was really really fun. The kind of guy you'd want in your social circle and to be friends with for a long time regardless of how the romantic side played out.

He also complimented me on and teased me about my "Good Girl" Game (i.e., my hooking up without having sex). And he said my energy healing (we did some Reiki and Emotional Freedom Technique back in my room) was a great form of Comfort Game. Lol :-) I love guys who recognize when a girl has good game.

Francis also teaches guys that the moment they'll really start getting good with women is the moment when they start really loving women. His love for women shined right through everything he said and did. The same is true for women -- a woman's dating success will take off when she realizes how much she loves men. Everything about them, their vibe, the way they smell, the way they touch us, the way they want to protect us and ravish us, and so on ...

Still feeling a little dreamy about the whole thing ... I'm really excited for when the footage comes out and you all can see the speeches :-)

New Website Coming Very Soon ...

We are upgrading around here. So we'll soon have a new website that I hope will make the content more accessible and more fun. Plus lots of new features and more visual appeal, which I know you all love. Stay tuned ... :-)

See You at the 21 Convention this Weekend ...

It's going to be a lot of fun.

Here's the link.

I even went shopping and got some new sexy little things to wear ...

See you all soon.

Harem Management Revisited ... My Secret Fantasy Riff

Just in from a manicure and pedicure, and off soon with Player Girl, but in the meantime ...

A little while back, when I was not feeling nearly so placid as I feel today, I wrote a not-so-complimentary article about harem management.

I was also recently in a heated exchange with a guy who happens to be a proponent of so-called harems where I pointed out that Rori's website is called "Have the Relationship You Want" and NOT "Be in the Harem You Want." My attitude was, yeah right, just try marketing "Be in the Harem You Want" to women and see what happens. (His version of harems, btw, is very boring. It involves a bunch of f*ck buddies and no coherent community. As you'll see below, that's not what I'm talking about.)

Mmmm ... wait just a second now ... that got me all inflamed ... what's going on ... I've also written some on this blog about embracing the Shadow Self.

So, well, yeah, if the word "harem" gets me that pissed off and pouty, then it's something I need to look at ... it's part of my Shadow.

Teacher interjection here: Very often, whatever it is that we resist the most is actually something we want, but we are judging ourselves for wanting it, so we push it away, try to keep it at arm's length. An example would be, "wow, if I wanted to be in a harem, then I wouldn't be a 'good' girl, so I refuse to admit myself that I would ever want that."

The problem with the Shadow Self is that it's not easily kept at bay. If I'm resisting Harems, Harems will haunt me until I've faced the Shadow Self.

Integrating the Shadow Self often means doing a 180. Meaning, whatever direction I was going in, in order to integrate the Shadow Self and become more whole, I need to do a 180 reversal. If I thought I hated the idea of a harem, I need to look at the parts of it that attract me.

Am I making any sense at all? If not, read Debbie Ford's book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers.

Anyhoo, then Daria and I got to riffing on Facebook about our secret fantasies of being in a harem. Then a few other women were brave enough to chime in, and a guy from Casanova Crew graciously offered to provide space, music, and creative consulting. Lol :-)

So here's my Shadow Side riff on why I would actually love to be in a harem.

First of all, let's not forget the romance of it. As Daria says,

"I'll sign up. I have a beautiful and deep fantasy about being a dancing girl to a pharaoh who falls in love with me."

Daria also said:

"Yeah... love Sheherazade and the 1001 nights... she was a real Goddess."

And then another woman said:

"The harem has been my fantasy ever since I was little. Definitely feelin' some past life energy there. I have always dreamed of creating the Neo Harem. There's something about the baths, playing instruments, lounging, royalty, enticing dance..."

Well, when I heard women saying those things, it got me in touch with a side of the harem that I wasn't in touch with when reading PUA articles about "harem management."

"Management," after all, is not a very romantic word. It's a masculine word, and it does have a certain masculine appeal, but right now we're talking about the Feminine version of harems.

We're talking about Harem Creation. Harem Community. A voluptuous, sensual way of living.

This is what I love about imaginative 180s:

Once I stepped out of my little angry judgmental box, my mind kinda got set free and started meandering down fantasy paths. Well, I could enjoy a harem. Imagine if Daria and I were in the same harem, and we could loll about on cushions drinking ice wine. Having manicures and pedicures and massages. Maybe a little tantric yoga here and there, and a lovely walk in the woods, hand in hand.

Maybe we'd get to wear sexy, fairytale costumes, and it'd be like being at Burning Man every day of the year. It'd be like hanging out with all my best girlfriends and then adding our favorite sexy men. (Of course, we'd need to audition the men. They'd need to have a LOT of physical AND emotional stamina.)

And so many of the things I don't like about casual sex wouldn't be an issue. If it's a community, then even if the guy or guys are sleeping with other women, well, they are still there. They are available. It meets my emotional needs for knowing I have a masculine presence to turn to, confide in, play with ... it doesn't feel anonymous and cold and like it could disappear at any time. It feels like a real home.

I imagine little walking gardens with ponds and waterfalls, lots of beautiful women lounging about on the grass. I imagine Daria and I being fanned and served little sandwiches and sparkling fresh water and fresh figs and champagne. I imagine women sharing clothes and dressing each other, and everyone always having someone luscious to sleep with.

It actually sounds very wonderful ... I wonder if it could ever happen in real life.

The Last Hurrah? It's High Time for a LR

There are some developments that I'm not ready to share yet, but in the meantime ... I'm kinda riffing out loud here, so bear with me please.

A little while back, Rori gave me some advice. She said, more or less, if you're going to get married, the time to play around sexually is now so you won't feel like you're missing out.

Then I kinda got to feeling inspired by Daria's sexperimentation.

And I realized that I've actually never published a lay report (LR) on this blog, at least not one that I'm in. Came close a couple of times, but never quite published.

Then today I realized that I feel bored right now reading about sex if I'm not in the story ... all these threesome LRs involving other people, ho hum. Yawn.

So all these currents flowing through my Universe ... and then of course there's another principle at work ... whenever I go really far in one direction, say, the "I'm only interested in a committed relationship" direction, then sometimes I find it helpful to indulge the part of me that wants to go the exact opposite direction (my inner rebel). Like somehow indulging that other side brings a balance and wholeness to the situation that's lacking with any super strong or fixed positions.

Where does that lead me? To the idea of manifesting a really amazing sexual experience. Probably with a guy who has zero long-term potential so I won't get caught up in anything outside of the present moment. Something really memorable though. Something adventurous and world-opening. Something that feels tantric, where I get to feel intense energy exchange and all kinds of delicious mixed emotions. Something where I get to experience my emotional edge.

Daria likes to put her desire out there and then say "Thank you, angels."

So I'm putting my desire out there and saying "Thank you, angels."

:-)

********************

Reposting this at Daria's request. I've been feeling moody lately about the blog. And lonely when there aren't comments. But now that Daria and I are starting our own harem (and auditioning men -- serious stamina required, please), it seems fitting to put this article back up.

Quick Updates

Sorry I haven't been posting as much. I've been feeling a little sad, and I only write when I feel inspired so ...

Tonight I'm supposed to meet up with Johnny and Henny from BKRS. I'm really not sure how they will recognize me un-photoshopped, but we'll see ...

In other news, Matrix Guy has stepped it up and invited me to come with him to London for two weeks. He sweetened the deal by making some very cute jokes about tea and crumpets. For those who missed the back story on Matrix Guy, we met about two years ago at Ace Wasabi. I was with Czech Girl and Player Girl, and he was eating dinner with a bunch of friends. There was nowhere else to sit, and their table happened to have some empty seats, so his group invited us to join them.

Out of nowhere, Matrix Guy came around the table, stood right in front of me, started chatting me up, and the chemistry was so intense that he was kissing me within five minutes. (Firecracker Girl said it best: "Matrix Guy is hot." Matrix Guy, however, did not take well to it when I suggested maybe he was as good a PUA as Savoy, lol.) From the night he and I initially met, we then spent the next three evenings together, and he actually slept over a few times. Then our relationship took some twists and turns, including one stretch of time where we weren't talking at all, but two years later, here we are dating again. I love his sense of humor, I love that he cares about making me happy (in this post, he's the guy who made soup for me :-)), and I love how he has been surprising me lately at every turn.

So, London ... hmmm, haven't been there in a while ...

xoxo,
Erika

Meet Erika at the 21 Convention - July 23-26

Hey everyone,

I wanted to remind you that I will be speaking at the 21 Convention in a couple of weeks, along with a bunch of other very inspiring speakers. I am the only woman speaking, and this is a seduction community first, so I hope to see a lot of you in the audience. You can buy your tickets HERE.

Also, I will be in Orlando, Florida, for the entire convention, from late Wednesday night, July 22, through early Monday morning, July 27. This means I will be able to make some time to do Emotional Freedom Technique sessions with a few clients during my stay in Orlando.

Although I haven't yet written up the full story, I recently used Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) in field to help a man overcome his lifelong paralyzing approach anxiety. He had tried all kinds of community techniques and seminars, but nothing worked until we did EFT in field. While I was with him, he went into full blown panic mode. We were able to clear the panic, and later in the night he started spontaneously talking to women he had never met FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE.

I saw him again recently. The result stuck. He is still able to approach women, and now we are working on expanding his comfort zone so that he will be able to have longer conversations spontaneously. I feel so inspired and happy that we were able to overcome this lifelong fear for him when NOTHING ELSE WORKED.

So ... if you are intrigued about EFT and want a chance to overcome your anxiety by having a girl (me) put her hands all over you in public, lol, then please email me at erika.awakening@gmail.com and let's set up a session for you.

I'll give a free EFT session to anyone who buys their Convention ticket through this link. Just email me at erika.awakening@gmail.com after your ticket purchase to confirm and set up a time with me.

I am really, really looking forward to the Convention, and am very excited to be the first and only woman ever to speak there.

My Doubts about Traditional Marriage

This is something I'm playing with right now, sorting out my very mixed feelings.

Here's the thing: I really do want a permanent primary relationship because I'm excited about the co-creational aspects of it.

And yet, when I think about the idea of a traditional marriage, I feel claustrophobic. Seriously, if I envision myself living in a house with a man with a couple of kids and that being our main focus, I can already feel myself one foot in the grave with cobwebs starting to grow over me. Feels like stagnation and restlessness and boredom.

Whereas when I think of this blog and all the adventures I've had since starting to write it, I feel liberated and free, like anything is possible and the world is my oyster and so forth.

So ... I must not be cut out for traditional marriage. I want to feel emotionally safe with my partner, but let's be honest, too much safety is boring.

I'm pretty sure this is why I'm so drawn to the idea of an open relationship. Fresh air would always be circulating :-)

So what would my ideal look like?

Mmmm, I'm still sorting this out, but it definitely involves having a large stream of passive income so that we are financially free. It may involve a lot of traveling. It may or may not involve having a home base that we always come back to. It probably involves co-creating products and websites and, in one form or another, teaching and setting other people free. It definitely involves other people, some form of polyamory. It's definitely unconventional. It definitely evolves as we go along, based more on our connection to each other than on any rules about what the connection should look like.

A Little Fairytale Romance :-)

Last night Matrix Guy took me out. He picked me up as he usually does, and I assumed we would be making our usual jaunt over to the Marina. But he completely surprised me with a bit of fairytale romance :-)

He had reservations over at this adorable new gypsy-themed restaurant, Gitane. He was all dressed up (I was teasing him cuz he was wearing a PUA-esque shirt even though he's not a PUA, lol).

The restaurant is in a little alley, and inside it's this dark romantic space with stone and red leather walls and all kinds of cool gypsy memorabilia. I was feeling in a very light happy mood, so I asked for a glass of champagne. It tasted so refreshing.

Then we had dinner upstairs in a cozy little balcony table overlooking the crowded bar scene. The food was delicious, with lots of exotic spices and mixtures of flavors. The bar and restaurant are a sensual delight, and I recommend them highly! Matrix Guy told me his usual humorous stories (his life tends to be very humorous), and we had a really lovely evening. And he offered to help me with the technology stuff of my blog, which I tend to struggle with.

I was so surprised, and so delighted. I cannot tell you how nice it is, as a woman, to have a man decide ahead of time what we're doing, take care of all the logistics, pay for everything, and pick me up and drop me off home safely afterwards. Especially when he takes me somewhere I've never been so I get to have a fun new experience with him. I feel cherished and delighted and very impressed!

Thank you, Matrix Guy. I hope you have an awesome trip. :-)

Putting a :-p Face on Everything I do

All right ... I wasn't going to post for a while, but as usual I can't help myself.

There's a big debate going on right now between Player Girl and myself.

She thinks she "fucked everything up" by being vulnerable.

She thinks she's going to "lose the game" if she shows any weakness.

I told her that's just being human. (Not to mention that it also shows sincerity, which is vastly underrated in the seduction community.)

I, personally, fuck things up all the time. I send too many text messages. I'm reactive. I have feelings. I get riled up. The thing that drives me absolutely bonkers is being ignored. So obviously that's one of my sticking points. Yep, I still have sticking points.

And that makes me the sexiest mother f*cker around.

(If anyone knows a phrase that has the same "oomph" as sexy MF but sounds more "feminine," the suggestion box is open. Lol, thanks Doug :-p)

So I say to Player Girl to OWN IT. We are human. We are a bunch of foolish idiots. OWN IT.

My latest thing is to put a :-p on everything I do. I'm going to react, then change my mind, one second I'm elated, the next I'm apathetic, the next I'm rebellious, the next I'm sad.

Well, at least I'm ALIVE. Which distinguishes me from 99 percent of humanity right now.

Who cares about being perfect? I'd much rather be alive.

What do you say to that, Player Girl? :-p