All right, I only have a minute right now, unfortunately, but
after just having another guy disconnect from my experience on Facebook by trying to "fix" things,
I have decided it is time for some conversation demolitions of my own.
It's time to show you guys *exactly* what I mean about all the different ways you are disconnecting from women in your conversations, without even realizing it ...
By golly, we are going to learn empathy and intimacy around here if it takes a century to do it.
I'm going to collect some real life samples from the hundreds of emails that I receive every day, many of which never create any genuine authentic connection with me at all.
Stay tuned. This is going to be fun :)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Two events you don't want to miss
Hey everyone,
Two important reminders about upcoming events:
1. Our Vegas extravaganza from January 4 to 10, 2010.
That's coming right up. Yes, this is where you learn to attract porn stars and other professionally beautiful women. We had soooo much fun last year. I got to meet Hypnotica and many other amazing people while I was in Vegas. It looks like a similar cast of luminaries this year. Email me at erika.awakening@gmail.com if you're interested.
2. 21 Convention Ticket prices going up imminently.
Dream from 21 Convention asked me to remind everyone that ticket prices are going up in less than two days.
You can buy your ticket by going here. If you purchase your ticket through that link and use the code "erikarocks," you will not only receive my eternal gratitude for supporting the continuation of this blog. You will also receive a $10 discount. How's that for win/win?
21 Convention is an event you do not want to miss. It was one of the highlights of my year, not only for the speeches but also for the nightlife and general fun.
Two important reminders about upcoming events:
1. Our Vegas extravaganza from January 4 to 10, 2010.
That's coming right up. Yes, this is where you learn to attract porn stars and other professionally beautiful women. We had soooo much fun last year. I got to meet Hypnotica and many other amazing people while I was in Vegas. It looks like a similar cast of luminaries this year. Email me at erika.awakening@gmail.com if you're interested.
2. 21 Convention Ticket prices going up imminently.
Dream from 21 Convention asked me to remind everyone that ticket prices are going up in less than two days.
You can buy your ticket by going here. If you purchase your ticket through that link and use the code "erikarocks," you will not only receive my eternal gratitude for supporting the continuation of this blog. You will also receive a $10 discount. How's that for win/win?
21 Convention is an event you do not want to miss. It was one of the highlights of my year, not only for the speeches but also for the nightlife and general fun.
Sinn must have a *major* crush on me
I feel very flattered.
*Blushing*
Hey, we forgot about that Field Report, didn't we?
If Sinn has a problem with me not having sex with him when we hooked up, I wish he would take it up with me directly like I did with E.
Lol, this community never ceases to amaze me :)
*Blushing*
Hey, we forgot about that Field Report, didn't we?
If Sinn has a problem with me not having sex with him when we hooked up, I wish he would take it up with me directly like I did with E.
Lol, this community never ceases to amaze me :)
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Inviting men to a whole new level of intimacy ...
You really want women to move closer to you, super super super close?
I'm at an unfair advantage in this department because of the kind of coaching I do. I don't give very much advice, because advice generally doesn't work. Instead, I move into my clients' own experience and help them transform it from the inside.
Well, that, my friends, is intimacy.
It's not telling someone what to do. It's becoming part of their experience. That's what empathy really means.
The number one intimacy destroyer is judgment.
Empathy is the antithesis of judgment.
So what does this mean in practical terms?
I've talked before about giving a woman a safe emotional space in which to surrender to you, sexually or otherwise.
To do that, you MUST start eliminating judgment words and thoughts out of your vocabulary.
Let's say a woman is angry.
What does a typical man do? He becomes defensive. Then, to protect himself, he labels the woman.
He says:
"You are so needy."
"You are so dramatic."
"You are unbalanced."
And so forth. Instantly he has created huge amounts of distance between himself and the woman. He's essentially saying that it's not okay for her to have the feelings she has.
What could he do instead? Well, what do I do when my clients have anger come up when we are working?
First, I feel it with them. "Oh yeah, I can feel a lot of rage right now, a lot of energy moving. Yeah. Oh yeah."
Second, I ask questions. "Okay, yeah, you're angry. What are the thoughts that go with that anger?"
Third, I follow the energy with them. "I feel the energy shifting now. You said the anger was a 9 intensity. What is it now? Now it's a six. Okay, is it still showing up in your chest, or has it moved?"
We can spend entire sessions following energy, in a near hypnotic state, with virtually no tension or distance between us because I have moved INTO their experience.
How I would love to see men start doing this sort of thing in relationships.
How different my response would be if, when I feel angry, instead of saying "you're so dramatic," a man would say:
"Ok, I hear that. What are the thoughts that go with the anger?"
Then I might say, "I want to tell you to fuck off."
And he could say: "Okay, I hear that. Is there any grief or fear behind the anger?"
Then I might say: "I'm terrified that this is never going to work out for me, that I'm going to end up investing in you and being disappointed."
And he could say: "Yeah I hear that. I can see why that thought would feel really scary. Where in your body are you feeling the emotions right now? Is it all fear now or also anger."
Then I might say: "It's still mostly anger, like lightening running up and down my center ribcage."
And he could say: "Okay, like lightening. I hear that you're really upset right now, and right now I just want to be with your anger. Let's both just be with it and see what happens to it next."
Then I might say: "Now it's moving. I feel so sad. I feel so scared this is never going to work out for me."
And maybe then he would just hold me and let me cry. And then we might end up making love. I could spend entire days lovemaking with a man doing nothing but noticing energy shifts. It sounds delightful :)
Why is the method I'm describing above so effective? It's not fighting against what I feel. It's not judging me or distancing him from me.
It's simply being present with me, recognizing that there's nothing wrong with having strong emotions, and that problems really only arise when we fight AGAINST the emotions. It's honoring my experience without making it "about" me or him.
Anyway, just realized this tonight, so I'm thinking out loud here ...
I'm at an unfair advantage in this department because of the kind of coaching I do. I don't give very much advice, because advice generally doesn't work. Instead, I move into my clients' own experience and help them transform it from the inside.
Well, that, my friends, is intimacy.
It's not telling someone what to do. It's becoming part of their experience. That's what empathy really means.
The number one intimacy destroyer is judgment.
Empathy is the antithesis of judgment.
So what does this mean in practical terms?
I've talked before about giving a woman a safe emotional space in which to surrender to you, sexually or otherwise.
To do that, you MUST start eliminating judgment words and thoughts out of your vocabulary.
Let's say a woman is angry.
What does a typical man do? He becomes defensive. Then, to protect himself, he labels the woman.
He says:
"You are so needy."
"You are so dramatic."
"You are unbalanced."
And so forth. Instantly he has created huge amounts of distance between himself and the woman. He's essentially saying that it's not okay for her to have the feelings she has.
What could he do instead? Well, what do I do when my clients have anger come up when we are working?
First, I feel it with them. "Oh yeah, I can feel a lot of rage right now, a lot of energy moving. Yeah. Oh yeah."
Second, I ask questions. "Okay, yeah, you're angry. What are the thoughts that go with that anger?"
Third, I follow the energy with them. "I feel the energy shifting now. You said the anger was a 9 intensity. What is it now? Now it's a six. Okay, is it still showing up in your chest, or has it moved?"
We can spend entire sessions following energy, in a near hypnotic state, with virtually no tension or distance between us because I have moved INTO their experience.
How I would love to see men start doing this sort of thing in relationships.
How different my response would be if, when I feel angry, instead of saying "you're so dramatic," a man would say:
"Ok, I hear that. What are the thoughts that go with the anger?"
Then I might say, "I want to tell you to fuck off."
And he could say: "Okay, I hear that. Is there any grief or fear behind the anger?"
Then I might say: "I'm terrified that this is never going to work out for me, that I'm going to end up investing in you and being disappointed."
And he could say: "Yeah I hear that. I can see why that thought would feel really scary. Where in your body are you feeling the emotions right now? Is it all fear now or also anger."
Then I might say: "It's still mostly anger, like lightening running up and down my center ribcage."
And he could say: "Okay, like lightening. I hear that you're really upset right now, and right now I just want to be with your anger. Let's both just be with it and see what happens to it next."
Then I might say: "Now it's moving. I feel so sad. I feel so scared this is never going to work out for me."
And maybe then he would just hold me and let me cry. And then we might end up making love. I could spend entire days lovemaking with a man doing nothing but noticing energy shifts. It sounds delightful :)
Why is the method I'm describing above so effective? It's not fighting against what I feel. It's not judging me or distancing him from me.
It's simply being present with me, recognizing that there's nothing wrong with having strong emotions, and that problems really only arise when we fight AGAINST the emotions. It's honoring my experience without making it "about" me or him.
Anyway, just realized this tonight, so I'm thinking out loud here ...
Twitter Kick - I follow those who follow me ...
I'm on a Twitter kick at the moment.
My intention is to follow those who follow me.
So if you'd like to add me on Twitter, please click here. Please allow up to 48 hours for me to follow you back.
Meanwhile, with some quiet time this week, it's time to finish up the very sexy Spiritual Seduction e-book. Stay tuned for that ... :)
My intention is to follow those who follow me.
So if you'd like to add me on Twitter, please click here. Please allow up to 48 hours for me to follow you back.
Meanwhile, with some quiet time this week, it's time to finish up the very sexy Spiritual Seduction e-book. Stay tuned for that ... :)
Postscript re "Love is a gift"
Yeah, sorry Fritz and Harvey, I realize that I adopted you and you've come to depend on me. If I had not adopted you, someone else probably would have, and you'd have a nice warm home today.
But didn't anyone tell you, "love is a gift." And I just don't feel like feeding you today. You knew it might not work out. Stop being so needy. Stop being so dramatic. You were never promised anything. Best of luck.
************
Seriously, Entropy, who wants to live in that kind of a world?
But didn't anyone tell you, "love is a gift." And I just don't feel like feeding you today. You knew it might not work out. Stop being so needy. Stop being so dramatic. You were never promised anything. Best of luck.
************
Seriously, Entropy, who wants to live in that kind of a world?
Saturday, December 26, 2009
My anger is sexy :)
Wow, am I feeling triggered.
I just had another guy on Facebook spout out the "love is a gift, I shouldn't have to make any commitments in my life" line of bullshit.
E. loves that one.
Not man enough to face me, E.?
Anyway, look and listen up, fuckers.
Love may be a gift, but that doesn't mean you can go around doing whatever the fuck you want without any consequences. Let me give you some examples.
I have a house. That's a commitment. If I commit to owning a home and then neglect it or don't pay the property taxes, how do you suppose that's going to turn out for me?
I have two cats. That's a commitment. They have come to depend on me. If I don't feed them or get them a cat sitter when I'm gone, how do you suppose that's going to turn out for them?
I have clients. They pay me significant sums of money to provide a service. If I bail on giving what I promised, how do you think that's going to turn out for both of us?
Conflict, destruction of relationships, destruction of lives, etc.
Love may be a gift, but it's also a commitment. If you induce another human being's vulnerability, then you'd better be prepared to follow through. Inducing another person to rely on you is a commitment.
If you want to enjoy the exquisiteness of a woman's full surrender to you, then you need to provide a safe space for her to surrender into.
A safe space means eliminating the following words from your vocabulary: "needy," "dramatic," "self-absorbed," etc. It means eliminating all judgments.
A safe space means continuing to show up even when you "don't feel like it."
It means thinking through BEFORE YOU GET YOURSELF INTO A SITUATION whether you're going to be able to live up to what you promised.
Why on earth would any high self-esteem woman surrender to a man who is not providing a safe space?
How are you providing a safe space if your love is not constant, reliable, and real?
This is ultimately why I find myself turning down casual sex over and over and over again.
I seriously question whether I will ever have sex again. If I can't trust a guy who spends months cherishing me and offering a safe space to open up into sexually, reassuring me every step of the way, then who can I trust?
What high self-esteem woman would put up with this shit?
Seriously.
And, yes, my anger is sexy. I express it freely, and real men love it.
I just had another guy on Facebook spout out the "love is a gift, I shouldn't have to make any commitments in my life" line of bullshit.
E. loves that one.
Not man enough to face me, E.?
Anyway, look and listen up, fuckers.
Love may be a gift, but that doesn't mean you can go around doing whatever the fuck you want without any consequences. Let me give you some examples.
I have a house. That's a commitment. If I commit to owning a home and then neglect it or don't pay the property taxes, how do you suppose that's going to turn out for me?
I have two cats. That's a commitment. They have come to depend on me. If I don't feed them or get them a cat sitter when I'm gone, how do you suppose that's going to turn out for them?
I have clients. They pay me significant sums of money to provide a service. If I bail on giving what I promised, how do you think that's going to turn out for both of us?
Conflict, destruction of relationships, destruction of lives, etc.
Love may be a gift, but it's also a commitment. If you induce another human being's vulnerability, then you'd better be prepared to follow through. Inducing another person to rely on you is a commitment.
If you want to enjoy the exquisiteness of a woman's full surrender to you, then you need to provide a safe space for her to surrender into.
A safe space means eliminating the following words from your vocabulary: "needy," "dramatic," "self-absorbed," etc. It means eliminating all judgments.
A safe space means continuing to show up even when you "don't feel like it."
It means thinking through BEFORE YOU GET YOURSELF INTO A SITUATION whether you're going to be able to live up to what you promised.
Why on earth would any high self-esteem woman surrender to a man who is not providing a safe space?
How are you providing a safe space if your love is not constant, reliable, and real?
This is ultimately why I find myself turning down casual sex over and over and over again.
I seriously question whether I will ever have sex again. If I can't trust a guy who spends months cherishing me and offering a safe space to open up into sexually, reassuring me every step of the way, then who can I trust?
What high self-esteem woman would put up with this shit?
Seriously.
And, yes, my anger is sexy. I express it freely, and real men love it.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
How karma works ... reflections on joint LR
I was reflecting today, rather quietly, about how things went with Entropy.
I've wondered for quite a while how he managed to do what he did and still be able to look himself in the mirror. Cultivate a woman's trust for months. Become one of her best friends. Give her emotional support when she needs it, so she comes to count on you. Know that she has been celibate for a long time and doesn't want to have casual sex. Know that she's looking for something meaningful.
So you pour it on thick. You talk about marriage and living together and creating a life together. You tell her how it's safe to be vulnerable with you, safe to trust, safe to have sex. You do and say everything you know will get her to have sex with you, and you know full well she'll fully be expecting a long-term relationship.
You get her to trust you completely.
And then you get what you want. She has sex with you.
Suddenly, you get scared. Suddenly, you "need to be present" with your girlfriend, when previously you and your girlfriend were basically "over," she was moving to another continent, and you had no need to "be present" with her for five months before that.
Suddenly, you have issues with "long distance relationships," when previously you'd said "it's a small world" and talked about moving to be with her. Suddenly things are "complicated" when they never were before.
Suddenly, you have all kinds of issues that never once came up during the months when it was sooooo important that you have sex with this woman. Suddenly you think you can turn a woman who told you she has no interest in casual sex into a "friend with benefits."
Suddenly, you find yourself saying the coldest, cruelest, most judgmental things that any human being has ever said to another. Ala John Malkovich in Dangerous Liaisons.
Wow. Pretty gut wrenching, no?
It reminds me of when I was in college in my "player" phase. How I got a really amazing guy to fall in love with me, and as soon as he got too close, I got scared and bailed. I didn't even have a good reason. There weren't any "problems." I was just scared.
Three years later, I ran into him at the student union. This was a really hot, super successful fraternity guy. He sat there and cried for what I had done to him and his sense of trust in women.
I felt floored. I had no idea what impact I'd had on his life. I felt paralyzed. I felt ashamed.
But mostly I felt regret. The three intervening years would have been far more amazing if I had stayed with him instead of chickening out. He was an amazing, wonderful, very sexy guy. That's an opportunity I never got back. My life is less for it.
It's not my loss or his loss. It's our loss.
Karma is a bitch.
I've wondered for quite a while how he managed to do what he did and still be able to look himself in the mirror. Cultivate a woman's trust for months. Become one of her best friends. Give her emotional support when she needs it, so she comes to count on you. Know that she has been celibate for a long time and doesn't want to have casual sex. Know that she's looking for something meaningful.
So you pour it on thick. You talk about marriage and living together and creating a life together. You tell her how it's safe to be vulnerable with you, safe to trust, safe to have sex. You do and say everything you know will get her to have sex with you, and you know full well she'll fully be expecting a long-term relationship.
You get her to trust you completely.
And then you get what you want. She has sex with you.
Suddenly, you get scared. Suddenly, you "need to be present" with your girlfriend, when previously you and your girlfriend were basically "over," she was moving to another continent, and you had no need to "be present" with her for five months before that.
Suddenly, you have issues with "long distance relationships," when previously you'd said "it's a small world" and talked about moving to be with her. Suddenly things are "complicated" when they never were before.
Suddenly, you have all kinds of issues that never once came up during the months when it was sooooo important that you have sex with this woman. Suddenly you think you can turn a woman who told you she has no interest in casual sex into a "friend with benefits."
Suddenly, you find yourself saying the coldest, cruelest, most judgmental things that any human being has ever said to another. Ala John Malkovich in Dangerous Liaisons.
Wow. Pretty gut wrenching, no?
It reminds me of when I was in college in my "player" phase. How I got a really amazing guy to fall in love with me, and as soon as he got too close, I got scared and bailed. I didn't even have a good reason. There weren't any "problems." I was just scared.
Three years later, I ran into him at the student union. This was a really hot, super successful fraternity guy. He sat there and cried for what I had done to him and his sense of trust in women.
I felt floored. I had no idea what impact I'd had on his life. I felt paralyzed. I felt ashamed.
But mostly I felt regret. The three intervening years would have been far more amazing if I had stayed with him instead of chickening out. He was an amazing, wonderful, very sexy guy. That's an opportunity I never got back. My life is less for it.
It's not my loss or his loss. It's our loss.
Karma is a bitch.
Cockblocked by a Sex Coach ;)
Last night was really hilarious.
I had these big plans to have sex and more ...
And then ... just the day before, I had just been thinking of Destin Gerek (from Erotic Rockstar), and yesterday out of the blue I received a text message from him wanting to talk with me.
Destin called me early evening, said he'd been reading my blog posts, and questioned whether it was really a good idea for me to be doing my casual sex challenge.
I ended up not having sex.
The guy I was going to have sex with was a good sport about it. He thought it was hilarious that he had been cockblocked by a sex coach.
*************
Destin is going to be in Vegas with us too. I wonder if he'll be acting as the angel on my shoulder :)
Btw, we have an all star line-up for Johnny's workshop in Vegas (including Hypnotica and Adam Lyons). Email me at erika.awakening@gmail.com if you're interested in attending.
Or sign up here: Click here to visit The Worthy Playboy Institute. (This is an affiliate link. By signing up for the workshop here, you are supporting this blog and my work helping men and women form more authentic connections.)
I had these big plans to have sex and more ...
And then ... just the day before, I had just been thinking of Destin Gerek (from Erotic Rockstar), and yesterday out of the blue I received a text message from him wanting to talk with me.
Destin called me early evening, said he'd been reading my blog posts, and questioned whether it was really a good idea for me to be doing my casual sex challenge.
I ended up not having sex.
The guy I was going to have sex with was a good sport about it. He thought it was hilarious that he had been cockblocked by a sex coach.
*************
Destin is going to be in Vegas with us too. I wonder if he'll be acting as the angel on my shoulder :)
Btw, we have an all star line-up for Johnny's workshop in Vegas (including Hypnotica and Adam Lyons). Email me at erika.awakening@gmail.com if you're interested in attending.
Or sign up here: Click here to visit The Worthy Playboy Institute. (This is an affiliate link. By signing up for the workshop here, you are supporting this blog and my work helping men and women form more authentic connections.)
Monday, December 21, 2009
Poly Community? Your Input Please
Hey, recently it has become apparent that I have a large number of friends who could potentially be interested in forming a poly community.
Anyone have experience with this and/or an established community here in the Bay Area?
Feel free to email me at erika.awakening@gmail.com ...
Anyone have experience with this and/or an established community here in the Bay Area?
Feel free to email me at erika.awakening@gmail.com ...
Cool orgasmic discovery
Justin and I have been hanging out, and a lot of energy is coming up to be cleared for me, which is good. I noticed feeling blocked this morning, not much sensitivity and so forth.
On pure intuition, I started using some acupressure on one of my meridians. Presto -- the energy opened right up, all the way from flushing my face down to my toes. Swirling kundalini energy and much higher sensitivity.
Made for a very nice orgasm :)
And you thought spiritual stuff wasn't practical.
So good morning everyone, lol, hope your day started as sweetly as mine ...
On pure intuition, I started using some acupressure on one of my meridians. Presto -- the energy opened right up, all the way from flushing my face down to my toes. Swirling kundalini energy and much higher sensitivity.
Made for a very nice orgasm :)
And you thought spiritual stuff wasn't practical.
So good morning everyone, lol, hope your day started as sweetly as mine ...
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Crossing the line: Erika's PUA bangfest
Lol, there has been this incredible clarity over the past 24 hours. Why didn't I see it before. It's so obvious.
I talked a few posts ago about "crossing the line." How to "be really whole, and all things will come to you" (sound like non-verbal seduction, btw?) ... we must integrate *all* of the perspectives and not be rigidly stuck in any one perspective.
Well ... of course. Duh. Why would a celibate girl be so attracted to the seduction community?
IT'S MY SHADOW.
So ... how do I integrate my Shadow.
I stop resisting it, and become it instead.
This means ... well, it's so obvious ... do I really need to explain it?
Erika must become a PUA.
This means ... a bangfest, with lots of casual sex that doesn't "mean anything."
The exact opposite of the rigid perspective I've been living inside of ...
A full on 180.
Maybe I also won't care about feelings either. Lol. I'll try being really "logical" for a change. Lol.
Oh, this is going to be fun. I actually did something similar to this in college, and was very successful with it. Ironically, I was not interested in a relationship, and everyone wanted to have a relationship with me.
Justin and I are heading up to Tahoe this morning for a couple of days at the cabin and (if there's snow) skiing. I *adore* skiing. I love the super steeps. I love to go really, really fast. It feels like flying :)
I talked a few posts ago about "crossing the line." How to "be really whole, and all things will come to you" (sound like non-verbal seduction, btw?) ... we must integrate *all* of the perspectives and not be rigidly stuck in any one perspective.
Well ... of course. Duh. Why would a celibate girl be so attracted to the seduction community?
IT'S MY SHADOW.
So ... how do I integrate my Shadow.
I stop resisting it, and become it instead.
This means ... well, it's so obvious ... do I really need to explain it?
Erika must become a PUA.
This means ... a bangfest, with lots of casual sex that doesn't "mean anything."
The exact opposite of the rigid perspective I've been living inside of ...
A full on 180.
Maybe I also won't care about feelings either. Lol. I'll try being really "logical" for a change. Lol.
Oh, this is going to be fun. I actually did something similar to this in college, and was very successful with it. Ironically, I was not interested in a relationship, and everyone wanted to have a relationship with me.
Justin and I are heading up to Tahoe this morning for a couple of days at the cabin and (if there's snow) skiing. I *adore* skiing. I love the super steeps. I love to go really, really fast. It feels like flying :)
Friday, December 18, 2009
Integrating the Shadow: Erika's promiscuous phase begins ...
Waiting for J to arrive for our evening of tandem sarging, and ...
All right, well, enough talk of Shadow Selves and electric fences.
Sometimes if you want a change, you gotta shake things up.
If I'm going to integrate these unhelpful karmas and get past this crap, then I'm going to need to do what I did with every other area of my life that got cleaned up ...
Face the Dark Side head on ...
Thus, I am declaring celibacy over as of tonight.
Keep your double standards to yourself. If we're going to have polyamory, that means the women are going to be polyamorous, too (it's simple symmetry, Burning Man Guy, so please keep your "he's just going to be jerking off inside you" comments to yourself, lol -- perhaps you are projecting :-p).
Plus, after my request for tandem sarging partners, I received offers from four different guys who are all outstanding prospects.
So ... this means ... I'm setting an intention to have sex with five guys in the next month.
Phew, that feels edgy even saying out loud.
But sometimes to integrate the Shadow, we have to go to the opposite extreme for a while.
I also feel kinda excited. Between now and Vegas, these are some very hot guys :)
Mmmmm, this could be fun. Stay tuned ... ;)
*******************
Oh, and I need your support, dear blog readers. Do you realize how easy it's going to be for me to chicken out if I don't have your support? So please ... make yourselves useful ... help me conquer my fears ... :)
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Tantra is not just for hippies anymore ...
And it looks like there's going to be some tandem sarging and threesomes this weekend.
That's all the energy I have to write right now ...
Lol :-p
That's all the energy I have to write right now ...
Lol :-p
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
The End of Separation
Famous quotation from the Tao:
"Be really whole, and all things will come to you."
What does this mean in practical terms?
I've often said that seduction is a way of transcending the separation.
To be really whole and transcend separation, we must see everything from all sides.
Every brother or sister who shows up on your doorstep (or in your email box or texts) is a gift. He or she is giving you an opportunity to see another side of yourself.
You have two choices: reject the opportunity (in which case a similar situation will occur over and over again in your life until you make a different choice) or find a way to see yourself in him or her, find a way to help each other.
I am frustrated with the community in its often one-sidedness. I go on Rori's blog and see women riffing on their own feelings, which is great, but I see almost no empathy for men there. On the men's blogs, I see men becoming more empowered with women, which is great, but I see almost no empathy for women there.
This will not work. The only way for us to have truly harmonious, rich relationships is to see all sides, not from a logical perspective, but from an emotional one.
So ... easy way to practice this, is switch roles.
If you've been resisting someone's perspective, find something you can sincerely appreciate about their perspective instead.
If you've been the pursued, switch to being the pursuer.
If you are always the giver in a relationship, ask the other person to give to you.
If you've continued to say no to someone else's requests, reach deep inside yourself to the place that actually wants to say yes.
If you are always the teacher, allow yourself to be the student.
People will be amazed that when they allow themselves to step fully and completely into the other person's shoes, often they will be shocked at what they discover about themselves. And it becomes almost impossible to judge the other person at that point.
In NVC, we call this "crossing the line."
Do whatever it takes, today, to heal the separations in your life. This is the key to having everything we want.
"Be really whole, and all things will come to you."
"Be really whole, and all things will come to you."
What does this mean in practical terms?
I've often said that seduction is a way of transcending the separation.
To be really whole and transcend separation, we must see everything from all sides.
Every brother or sister who shows up on your doorstep (or in your email box or texts) is a gift. He or she is giving you an opportunity to see another side of yourself.
You have two choices: reject the opportunity (in which case a similar situation will occur over and over again in your life until you make a different choice) or find a way to see yourself in him or her, find a way to help each other.
I am frustrated with the community in its often one-sidedness. I go on Rori's blog and see women riffing on their own feelings, which is great, but I see almost no empathy for men there. On the men's blogs, I see men becoming more empowered with women, which is great, but I see almost no empathy for women there.
This will not work. The only way for us to have truly harmonious, rich relationships is to see all sides, not from a logical perspective, but from an emotional one.
So ... easy way to practice this, is switch roles.
If you've been resisting someone's perspective, find something you can sincerely appreciate about their perspective instead.
If you've been the pursued, switch to being the pursuer.
If you are always the giver in a relationship, ask the other person to give to you.
If you've continued to say no to someone else's requests, reach deep inside yourself to the place that actually wants to say yes.
If you are always the teacher, allow yourself to be the student.
People will be amazed that when they allow themselves to step fully and completely into the other person's shoes, often they will be shocked at what they discover about themselves. And it becomes almost impossible to judge the other person at that point.
In NVC, we call this "crossing the line."
Do whatever it takes, today, to heal the separations in your life. This is the key to having everything we want.
"Be really whole, and all things will come to you."
Monday, December 14, 2009
Impasse: Inviting a quantum leap
Well, in spite of all efforts to get this show back on the road again, I find myself back in the space I was in when I went on strike in late October. At an impasse. Which is an invitation for a quantum leap.
I've stepped off a lot of hamster wheels. My feminine energy seems to be in full effect. Here are the needs that need to get met:
1. Emotional support: permanent partnership. I don't want to start over. Someone out there will need to step up to the plate. I'm only interested in investing my energy in relationships that are enduring and deeply connected.
2. Technical/marketing support: I don't feel called to do the marketing/technical side of this stuff, yet I need this to have a sustainable business. It's a masculine energy thing. I need a masculine energy guy. My feminine energy wants to write, teach, and do EFT. My feminine energy wants a man who will protect and provide for me.
3. Community: I feel distressed by the state of the community right now. It seems to be mired in conflict. Guys are learning how to connect with women from men who often do not have the skills to have deeper relationships. Guys who don't know how to handle real emotions. What good is it going to do a guy to get phone numbers and even get sex if he still isn't able to have happy, harmonious relationships? You've got gurus who are mega-reactive, mega-judgmental, and deal with conflicts via the "silent treatment." I'm not judging anyone, but this isn't working and it feels very painful, so it's time for me to step back from it and get some perspective.
4. Seduction: My feminine energy still very much wants to be seduced. But only in the context of a super-conscious relationship. This whole "have sex with her and then figure things out" approach doesn't work long term. I've come to realize that the practice of teaching seduction without having an equal commitment to the well-being of the women one is seducing is not something I'm ok with at all. Notwithstanding Neil's book, this is not a "game." We are dealing with real live human beings, and under the laws of karma, any pain inflicted on others will boomerang on oneself. We've got gurus who think they can escape what they got themselves into by disconnecting and not communicating, but it's not true. Disconnection doesn't solve anything. What disconnection does is invite karma to keep revisiting you over and over again until the lesson is finally learned. Yet I don't see the community teaching people how to stay connected and restore harmony. I'm not sure where this leaves me vis-a-vis the community. I need to step back to get some perspective on this.
It feels like an impasse on a number of fronts. There is no way forward in any direction, which suggests that the only way out of it is some sort of quantum leap. All the efforts I've been making feel like more hamster wheeling. I'm going to stop. I don't really feel like doing any of it anymore. I don't think the impasse situation is necessarily a "bad" thing, but it doesn't feel right to me to do things the linear, conventional wisdom way.
It may very well be that all the EFT I've been doing has "collapsed" so many old beliefs that it has paved the way for a quantum leap. I don't know, but it wouldn't surprise me.
My regular EFT practice will continue as normal. I remain committed to this work and to my clients.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Tandem Sarging and New EFT Audio re Polyamory Etc.
Hey everyone,
I'm about to jump in the shower because Johnny and I are going tandem sarging. Lol :-p ... It really is amazing how my sense of humor came back ...
Before I go, here is another audio from Gayla and me.
As with the other audios, you can tap along to borrow benefits. Learn to tap by checking out my free video and other resources on my FAQ page.
Topics covered in this audio include:
1. Releasing sexual shame and cultural baggage (such as Adam and Eve stories) - do I really need to keep suffering over and over again for eating the apple? Fuck no.
2. Releasing inner conflicts about polyamory ... and sharing our feelings about harmonious polyamorous relationships.
3. Releasing inner conflicts about patriarchy, feminism, and what exactly the Divine Masculine and Feminine energies look like anyway. This is a continuation of our tapping about gender role confusion in an earlier audio.
Hope you enjoy it :)
EFT Audio re Sexual Shame/Guilt, Polyamory, Masculine/Feminine Energies
If you'd like to set up a personal tapping session with me, please see my coaching page.
******************
Oh crap, we forgot to tap on that Mary was supposedly a virgin. Give me a break ... I'm putting that one down for the next EFT session.
Girly feelings ...
This morning I finally got my new iPhone 3Gs, and it is so beautiful and so fast. I love it. Almost $500. Didn't pay a penny. Thank you, Mysterious Benefactor Guy :)
Then I did a powerful EFT session with someone, and we released a lot of negative energies, including generations' worth of ancestral karma. We invited in a generous helping of self-love and self-acceptance.
Now, it's cold and rainy outside, and I'm cozied up in my silky down comforter, propped up on pillows. Everything has softened so much in my life. I feel soft and loving of the whole world and everyone in it. I feel like I don't remember what anger feels like, in this moment. I'm relaxed. I feel forgiving. I feel receptive and open and adorable.
I would so love for a really powerful masculine energy man to come to me right now and make love to me for the rest of the day and into tomorrow :) I just want to lay in bed and be adored.
So yes, I'm in a very sensual mood. I need a passport photo and I don't like those horrible passport photos at the regular shops. One thing I'd like is having a photo shoot on location with one of those sensual boudoir photographers. I found this website (no, not affiliated with them in any way, just find her work beautiful). If any girlies out there would be interested in her January Vegas sitting and want to do this as a feminine sensual energy experience, please email me.
Gayla and I are planning to do another EFT audio, possibly on sexual issues, releasing unhelpful cultural conditioning and so forth, later today. And supposedly I'm going out with *someone* this evening. Stay tuned ... :)
Embracing Your Shadow, in a nutshell - magical three-step exercise
I get a lot of questions about Shadow work, which I've written several articles about, most recently here on the Spiritual Seduction site.
This may be one of the most powerful and under-utilized methods of transformation that is available to us.
Your entire life will transform, rapidly, if you do nothing else but adopt this habit:
1. Every time you feel triggered by anyone or anything (meaning, you have feelings like this: annoyed, judgmental, irritated, disconnected, angry, ferocious, withholding), notice it.
2. Notice how the mind wants to make it "about" the other person (i.e., he or she is so needy, long-winded, critical, dishonest, high-maintenance, self-absorbed, etc.).
3. Immediately, as quickly as you can catch yourself, ask yourself: where in my life am I doing/saying/being exactly what I don't like about this person? Sometimes the answer is not immediately obvious (that's when the Shadow has the most power over us), but keep searching.
I can almost guarantee, because it works 90 plus percent of the time, that when you find the place in yourself that is doing or saying or acting like the person you're annoyed with, and you fully accept that you are no different from the person you're distancing yourself from, the other person will change. The "annoying" behavior will disappear.
So ask yourself, "where in my life am I being needy, judgmental, angry, unforgiving, cruel, critical, stubborn, annoying? where in my life am I doing or saying or being exactly the way I don't want this other person to be?"
If I want someone to forgive me, and they won't, where am I being unforgiving? If I am annoyed that someone is disconnecting, where am I disconnecting?
This little Shadow exercise is not "easy" because it requires full self responsibility for everything we don't like in the world, but it is possibly more powerful than anything else I teach on this blog. The "annoying" people in our lives will change, and we will change, because we will notice when we are not following the Golden Rule, and we'll change what we are doing.
Friday, December 11, 2009
How I got my sense of humor back ... ;)
Wow, the past few weeks have been amazing! Major energetic shifts on several fronts. I feel light and happy again. My sense of humor has returned. I'm excited for Johnny Soporno's workshop in Vegas in January because I get to see a bunch of my favorite guys.
I attribute this new lightness to the deeper work I've been doing over the past couple of months. Essentially I looked at my life at any and all areas that were not yet feeling clear (old conflicts and such), and then in many cases I contacted the people who had been involved with those situations (even if the incidents were many years ago), used some radical honesty, and got really present with whatever icky feelings arose.
This included several former lovers, my parents, my siblings, and a number of friends.
There's a conventional wisdom that says "I don't need the other person (whether that other person is a former lover, a parent, and old friend, or anyone else) to resolve a conflict or situation. I can find peace about it all by myself." At some level, that's true. But remember Emotional Freedom Technique works best when we are able to tune in fully to whatever emotions were triggered by a specific incident. I have found that actually having a conversation with the other person or people who was/were involved is enormously helpful for stirring those old emotions back up again so they can be cleared. It's not that I'm looking to punish or blame the other person, as that would not be in line with an intention of healing. It's not that I'm looking for the other person to give me something to make me whole again either, because nothing outside of ourselves can save us. It's that talking with them gives me access to the emotions within myself that is a deeper form of access than I am able to get doing this by myself.
This process of digging up old unresolved hurts, having these honest conversations, and doing EFT on the feelings that come up is turning out to be enormously healing, regardless of the other person's response. I feel much clearer and much lighter. What I'm noticing, too, is that it is resulting in true forgiveness. Whereas before I may have had trouble letting go of an old grudge, now after doing this process, I often no longer even remember what I was upset about. My mind doesn't "go there" anymore, so there is no longer any impulse to rehash anything. And there will no longer be any karmic baggage to carry into new relationships.
This is liberation, both for me and the other person! :)
Another really powerful way for people to clear this stuff out is to do tapping *with* the other person. This is a huge relief for both people, as both have an opportunity to say everything they need to say and release it within the safety of tapping (which helps buffer conversations by preventing energy from getting stuck -- no more intractable conflicts). This is another area I am experimenting with recently and hope to share with you all soon about my insights.
I attribute this new lightness to the deeper work I've been doing over the past couple of months. Essentially I looked at my life at any and all areas that were not yet feeling clear (old conflicts and such), and then in many cases I contacted the people who had been involved with those situations (even if the incidents were many years ago), used some radical honesty, and got really present with whatever icky feelings arose.
This included several former lovers, my parents, my siblings, and a number of friends.
There's a conventional wisdom that says "I don't need the other person (whether that other person is a former lover, a parent, and old friend, or anyone else) to resolve a conflict or situation. I can find peace about it all by myself." At some level, that's true. But remember Emotional Freedom Technique works best when we are able to tune in fully to whatever emotions were triggered by a specific incident. I have found that actually having a conversation with the other person or people who was/were involved is enormously helpful for stirring those old emotions back up again so they can be cleared. It's not that I'm looking to punish or blame the other person, as that would not be in line with an intention of healing. It's not that I'm looking for the other person to give me something to make me whole again either, because nothing outside of ourselves can save us. It's that talking with them gives me access to the emotions within myself that is a deeper form of access than I am able to get doing this by myself.
This process of digging up old unresolved hurts, having these honest conversations, and doing EFT on the feelings that come up is turning out to be enormously healing, regardless of the other person's response. I feel much clearer and much lighter. What I'm noticing, too, is that it is resulting in true forgiveness. Whereas before I may have had trouble letting go of an old grudge, now after doing this process, I often no longer even remember what I was upset about. My mind doesn't "go there" anymore, so there is no longer any impulse to rehash anything. And there will no longer be any karmic baggage to carry into new relationships.
This is liberation, both for me and the other person! :)
Another really powerful way for people to clear this stuff out is to do tapping *with* the other person. This is a huge relief for both people, as both have an opportunity to say everything they need to say and release it within the safety of tapping (which helps buffer conversations by preventing energy from getting stuck -- no more intractable conflicts). This is another area I am experimenting with recently and hope to share with you all soon about my insights.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Hamster wheels, mixed feelings about marketing, and expansion of sexual healing offer
If you listened to yesterday's audio, you may have noticed my "hamster wheel" reference. This is a term I use to describe situations where our ego has enticed us to believe, on a continuing basis, sometimes for years, that we're "about to" get something we want, if we will only just "change this or tweak that."
This is the antithesis of self-love and self-acceptance, which knows that we are already perfect in this moment.
This topic dovetails with my mixed feelings about marketing, which I've talked about before, both here and on Entropy's blog.
Ever noticed how often the marketing pitches (both within the pickup artist community and outside of it) are enticing you to stay on the "hamster wheel"? "I'm going to teach you these ten secrets, and then you will have [insert desired object here]."
I feel ambivalent about this because a lot of what I'm teaching is actually about getting off the hamster wheel. We don't need more techniques and rules. We need fewer. We need empty space, the kind of empty space that comes from meditating, tapping, and otherwise *doing nothing* ... lol :)
But how do we market "doing nothing"? How do we market inner peace? How do we market freedom from wanting to do or obtain anything? Hehe, this idea makes me smile. The art of marketing the art of doing nothing. Hmmm ...
And yet ... and yet ... the great paradox ... presence comes from empty space. And presence, my friends, is the key to seduction. It is also the key to single, congruent thoughts that effortlessly create what we want in our lives and our world.
It simply is not possible to be present or congruent when the monkey mind is relentlessly jabbering on and on about new rules and techniques and pickup lines. It is not possible to be present or congruent if you are constantly running around thinking up new things to do and new things to say. There's too much static.
On a related note re marketing ... Ever notice how the "typical" internet marketing pitch these days is empathy-based? All written trying to show you that the seller "understands" your problem. I feel uncomfortable with that too. It doesn't feel authentic to me. Empathy for me is a way to connect, not a way to entice people to buy something. If I have a motive and am looking to achieve a certain outcome, the empathy doesn't feel pure.
Seriously, is anyone else feeling "done" with that model of marketing? I'm opening up space for a new approach to be shown to me.
I also don't like people making decisions motivated by fear. How about this one? "sign up today, folks, this offer won't be around tomorrow." Do I need urgency to buy things? Not really. When I think of the things I buy in the course of a year, very few of them involve time deadlines. I go to healers when I feel called to go. I buy things I need when I need them.
Not long ago, I actually declined to give a prospective client a deadline to sign up with me at a certain price because I could feel fear in his vibe. How can I feel good about someone paying me money out of fear? (He did end up signing up later, but ultimately he signed up from an energetic place that felt good to both of us.)
Perhaps these are limiting beliefs, but I feel better about the idea of clearing out my own blocks to receiving, and seeing who shows up on my doorstep. I feel better about opening up space for a new marketing paradigm that feels better.
****************************************
Anyway, all that said, here's a marketing pitch for you (lol :-p): I had a few requests to expand my sexual healing special EFT session offer to include "tapping for cash." The offer expires tomorrow at 5 pm Pacific time, but if you'd like to use the one hour session for erasing financial limiting beliefs rather than sexual healing, that would be fine. Just sign up here and let me know you want to tap for cash instead of sexual healing.
Please don't sign up out of fear of "losing" this opportunity. I'm sure inspiration will lead me to offer other opportunities in the future. But if you feel called to work with me, this is a good deal. My tapping sessions often pay for themselves :)
Cheers,
Erika
This is the antithesis of self-love and self-acceptance, which knows that we are already perfect in this moment.
This topic dovetails with my mixed feelings about marketing, which I've talked about before, both here and on Entropy's blog.
Ever noticed how often the marketing pitches (both within the pickup artist community and outside of it) are enticing you to stay on the "hamster wheel"? "I'm going to teach you these ten secrets, and then you will have [insert desired object here]."
I feel ambivalent about this because a lot of what I'm teaching is actually about getting off the hamster wheel. We don't need more techniques and rules. We need fewer. We need empty space, the kind of empty space that comes from meditating, tapping, and otherwise *doing nothing* ... lol :)
But how do we market "doing nothing"? How do we market inner peace? How do we market freedom from wanting to do or obtain anything? Hehe, this idea makes me smile. The art of marketing the art of doing nothing. Hmmm ...
And yet ... and yet ... the great paradox ... presence comes from empty space. And presence, my friends, is the key to seduction. It is also the key to single, congruent thoughts that effortlessly create what we want in our lives and our world.
It simply is not possible to be present or congruent when the monkey mind is relentlessly jabbering on and on about new rules and techniques and pickup lines. It is not possible to be present or congruent if you are constantly running around thinking up new things to do and new things to say. There's too much static.
On a related note re marketing ... Ever notice how the "typical" internet marketing pitch these days is empathy-based? All written trying to show you that the seller "understands" your problem. I feel uncomfortable with that too. It doesn't feel authentic to me. Empathy for me is a way to connect, not a way to entice people to buy something. If I have a motive and am looking to achieve a certain outcome, the empathy doesn't feel pure.
Seriously, is anyone else feeling "done" with that model of marketing? I'm opening up space for a new approach to be shown to me.
I also don't like people making decisions motivated by fear. How about this one? "sign up today, folks, this offer won't be around tomorrow." Do I need urgency to buy things? Not really. When I think of the things I buy in the course of a year, very few of them involve time deadlines. I go to healers when I feel called to go. I buy things I need when I need them.
Not long ago, I actually declined to give a prospective client a deadline to sign up with me at a certain price because I could feel fear in his vibe. How can I feel good about someone paying me money out of fear? (He did end up signing up later, but ultimately he signed up from an energetic place that felt good to both of us.)
Perhaps these are limiting beliefs, but I feel better about the idea of clearing out my own blocks to receiving, and seeing who shows up on my doorstep. I feel better about opening up space for a new marketing paradigm that feels better.
****************************************
Anyway, all that said, here's a marketing pitch for you (lol :-p): I had a few requests to expand my sexual healing special EFT session offer to include "tapping for cash." The offer expires tomorrow at 5 pm Pacific time, but if you'd like to use the one hour session for erasing financial limiting beliefs rather than sexual healing, that would be fine. Just sign up here and let me know you want to tap for cash instead of sexual healing.
Please don't sign up out of fear of "losing" this opportunity. I'm sure inspiration will lead me to offer other opportunities in the future. But if you feel called to work with me, this is a good deal. My tapping sessions often pay for themselves :)
Cheers,
Erika
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Tapping Audio re Intimacy and Self-Worth
Gayla and I produced a third EFT tapping audio (one hour long) covering deep intimacy issues. I really want to honor Gayla for her willingness to be vulnerable and honest. By listening to this audio, you are basically witnessing a woman open herself to you, revealing her hopes and fears. Many women will relate to Gayla's experience. Men can learn a lot from it.
As I mentioned with the previous audios, if you don't yet know how to do Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT or tapping), please learn by watching my free introductory video and using the tapping points diagram available on my FAQ page.
The audio begins mid-session actually. You'll notice that my voice is a bit shaky at the beginning of the audio. That is because we had already delved straight into some darker emotions, grief and fear, guilt and regret and shame. When I'm doing EFT with someone, my body becomes an energy transformer to neutralize whatever negative emotions are coming up. Toward that end, I am essentially running their emotions through my body, so you'll notice that.
Some topics we cover in this audio are:
1. Frustrating push/pull patterns in intimate relationships, where it doesn't feel like the relationship is ever going to be fully mutual.
2. Not feeling fully wanted or good enough for the relationship we want.
3. Guilt and regret about past actions in a relationship.
4. Fear that the other person can't handle the full intensity of our feelings.
5. Disconnection patterns and fear of healing.
These are big ticket items. Both men and women can benefit by listening to this audio and tapping along. There's plenty of value in listening even if you don't tap because you can learn so much from hearing a woman speak so openly about her fears and frustrations and hopes and dreams about intimacy. There's a ton more value if you tap along with us, because your subconscious mind will draw parallels to your own experiences and clear out your own fears and frustrations.
Here it is:
EFT Audio re Deep Intimacy Fears and Frustrations
I know many of you listened to the audios in the last two posts because I've been receiving emails about them. Your feedback is much appreciated - please share more with me about your experience listening in to our very intimate conversation.
To sign up for your own personal session, please visit my coaching page.
Another free tapping audio with Erika and Gayla
Here is the second audio that I promised in yesterday's post. We are covering some fascinating issues about being present with a new man when other connections with men may feel unresolved, and also about the confusion in our society about masculine and feminine energies. We do a lot of what I call "inner conflict tapping" to allow the confused voices within to be integrated.
Although this audio includes a lot of "girl talk," everyone can benefit from tapping along. Tapping is an acupressure based form of healing that is especially powerful for erasing limiting beliefs. Learn how to tap by going to my FAQ page.
Then, as you listen, note what comes up for you. As you tap, whatever subconsciously connected confusions you may have about these issues will also receive benefit from the tapping. This is known in the tapping community as "borrowing benefits." As with most healing modalities, there is a synergistic group healing effect.
Here is the audio. Enjoy :)
Maintaining Presence and Clearing Confusion about Masculine/Feminine Energies
Although this audio includes a lot of "girl talk," everyone can benefit from tapping along. Tapping is an acupressure based form of healing that is especially powerful for erasing limiting beliefs. Learn how to tap by going to my FAQ page.
Then, as you listen, note what comes up for you. As you tap, whatever subconsciously connected confusions you may have about these issues will also receive benefit from the tapping. This is known in the tapping community as "borrowing benefits." As with most healing modalities, there is a synergistic group healing effect.
Here is the audio. Enjoy :)
Maintaining Presence and Clearing Confusion about Masculine/Feminine Energies
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Tap along with Erika and Gayla - releasing blocks to receiving
Well, I am pretty excited. My friend and blog commenter Gayla (you can see her blog here) co-created a couple of tapping audios tonight to share with you.
For the uninitiated, we are doing Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT or tapping) on the audio. We were focusing on common blocks to receiving (which can be in any area, from compliments, to love, to money), and tapping together to clear them out.
As a listener, if you tap along with us, you will be borrowing benefits. In other words, your subconscious mind will draw the parallels to whatever blocks to receiving that you may have in your life, and tapping along with us will help you clear out your blocks.
If you have never done EFT before, please, before you listen:
1. Read my EFT FAQs here.
2. Watch my 10 minute free EFT video (link on the FAQ page), which will teach you how to tap.
3. Print out the tapping points diagram, also available in the FAQ section.
Here's our audio, a holiday gift to you. Harvey made a surprise guest appearance. We hope you enjoy it:
Releasing Blocks to Receiving
Then tap along with us to clear your own blocks to receiving abundance, love, compliments, or whatever else it is you'd like to receive.
If you'd like to sign up for a personal session with me, please see my coaching page and go here to read testimonials.
We also recorded a second audio, in which we tapped on the tricky issue of how to be present with a new man when there are still past men lingering about, and confusion about masculine and feminine energies. Very provocative and fun! Hopefully I'll be putting up the second audio soon. This is really challenging my technical skills though.
Oh, and the Spiritual Seduction book just went through another phase of editing and hopefully will be released soon ... for real this time :)
Sunday, December 6, 2009
New post at Spiritual Seduction
I have declared it Sexual Healing Week and am offering EFT special sessions. Sign up now, I don't offer specials like this very often ...
See the post here.
Erika's Connection Manifesto
I didn't feel like going out last night, so I didn't. I rarely do anything anymore because I think I "should" do it. This week I went to a few holiday parties, and although at one level I enjoyed the festivities, I noticed a few things too.
I've just come out of several weeks of doing very little other than meditating. What I noticed first and foremost about the parties was how loud they were.
Why so loud? It reminded me of my recent blog posts about all the things we do to avoid feelings. Do we really need the music so loud? Or are we covering something up by doing that? I noticed it was hard to feel myself at all in such a loud environment.
It would be different if we were at a concert, if we were dancing and becoming one with the music. But we weren't. It felt like we were competing with the music, at odds with it.
I also noticed that, with a few exceptions, most of the conversations I found myself in felt very disconnected. It felt like we were going through the motions. Speaking words that nobody actually cared to hear. I heard people talking about "making an appearance." I heard a lot of talk of logic and logistics and things I can't even remember because they were so disconnected.
When my friend got really honest, she said she doesn't think most people even really want to go to these parties. That it feels like an obligation.
I felt like I was walking around in the Matrix, already unplugged, with one and only one desire: to unplug everyone else.
Meanwhile, I've been working with clients on themes of disconnection. It has made me realize that we have one and only one fundamental problem in our society: disconnection. Every other problem stems from this one.
I see with my clients how absolutely devastating it is to grow up in families with disconnected parents, whether that happens through divorce, violence, violent communication, neglect, or just plain lack of presence. These patterns stay with people throughout their lives unless they get them healed. This is where Emotional Freedom Technique can be so powerful for people.
There are lots of obvious ways to disconnect: blocking someone on Facebook, refusing to communicate, dumping someone abruptly, leaving one person for another. Death, illness, divorce. But there are a lot of non-obvious ways to disconnect that are equally tragic, such as judging, criticizing, shaming, or blaming someone.
I look back at how I was so upset that Entropy wasn't willing to leave his girlfriend sooner to be with me, and I come to a profound realization: I didn't want him to leave her. She was moving to Africa, and I didn't want him to bail on her before that. It was painful to me to imagine him leaving her because if I were in her shoes, I wouldn't want to be left behind.
When I got angry, I had forgotten the power of my own subconscious mind: that we will never allow ourselves to have and keep something that we believe will hurt someone else. I felt guilt, and guilt is the great saboteur. How different it might have turned out if the two relationships could have been brought together instead of kept separate.
Anyway, disconnection is devastating. It undermines our sense of self-worth at a fundamental level. When it happens to children, they often develop strategies for receiving love that sabotage them throughout their adult lives, such as approval seeking, going up into their heads (becoming very intellectual or analytical), tolerating abusive relationships, or all of the above. The relationships with their parents become the templates for all of their adult relationships, for better or (often) for worse.
All that said, what do we do about the disconnection problem?
Certainly EFT is a very, very powerful tool. I help my clients transform their past relationship karma so that they can begin to create brand new templates for their relationships.
I am now also setting a very powerful intention in my own life to raise awareness. This is my Connection Manifesto.
1. I choose to become aware of every impulse I have to disconnect, whether it's through asking someone not to contact me anymore, dumping someone, avoiding someone, judging, blaming, or criticizing, etc.
2. Every time I become aware of an impulse to disconnect, I vow to stay connected instead. I vow to stay connected until we are both happy with the outcome, no matter how long it takes to get there. I will never disconnect again without at the very least creating an avenue for reconnection (this might look like: "I'm feeling really overwhelmed by your emails right now, and I need to take a few days to get grounded again. But I will reconnect with you when I feel ready, and please if it feels very urgent, please feel free to reconnect with me first.")
3. No matter what the other person does, I will leave the porch light on and the welcome mat out. If the other person disconnects, I will not retaliate. I will make it clear that I remain open to reconnection.
4. If the other person disconnects and then seeks reconnection, I will give instant forgiveness and reconnection. I will not withhold reconnection in order to punish that person or "make them appreciate me." If I feel any doubts about reconnecting, I will express them. (for example, "I am feeling a bit wary about reconnecting because it felt so stressful last time. I wonder what we could do this time around so this feels better for both of us.")
5. Whenever I feel angry with another person, I choose to do my Shadow work and find where I am really angry with myself. Where in my life am I doing the same thing that I am angry with this person about?
6. Whenever I feel critical of another person, I choose to instantly search within myself for compassion and empathy. I choose to see the situation through their eyes, put myself in their place, and search myself for the very human reasons that they may be doing what they are doing.
I have decided that this is what I would want from others if I were in their shoes. This is my way of being the change I want to see in the world. Because life mirrors back to us what we have become, the more compassionate and connected I become, the more I will receive that back from the people in my life.
Imagine how powerful a person you will be when you have learned how to stay connected no matter what. Do you realize what such a person can do? If you have learned to stay present no matter how charged a conversation has become, and see it through to resolution, eventually
- you can walk anywhere in the world and be safe,
- you can mediate disputes between people in the most war-torn regions of the world and bring peace everywhere you go,
- you can live a life of joy and deepest intimacy,
- you can live a life of vibrant relationships that endure forever,
- every conflict in your life will disappear, one by one,
- all the myths of what everyone told us was impossible between people will melt away.
We will usher in a new era of universal peace, trust, and prosperity.
************
My next post will like address the theme of this week: clearing out sexual guilt and shame.
Almost everyone in our society is carrying around hidden sexual guilt and shame. Think about it: our parents (most of them) were so ashamed of their own sexuality that they put us off in separate rooms while they engaged in intimacy. We were taught from our first days on this planet that intimacy means (a) something that must be hidden, (b) something we must exclude others from when we engage in it. How could we not believe it is dirty and shameful if it cannot be shared with others and must be kept private?
Yeah, I'm getting into major big-time taboos here, and they all need to be brought to conscious awareness so they stop having unconscious power over us ...
Saturday, December 5, 2009
The limits of "assuming it's on" ...
Because I do have a blog, where I can write pretty much anything I want, I am going to vent a bit about a pet peeve of mine.
I feel really annoyed when (some) men assume that if a woman sends them a friendly text message or email, this is a sign of sexual interest.
If that were true, then I would be lining up my sexual partners for the next five years because I have a LOT of male friends.
It is particularly aggravating when the recipient of said text or email proceeds to "react" (and, yes, this is reactive) as if the female sender of the message is romantically or sexually obsessed with him. Thus, he does any of the following (a) alerts other women in his life of the text or email, (b) fans the flames of jealousy in the other women, and then, classically, in one case (c) complains to me that the other woman or women in his life are now jealous and worried about my communication. Hmmm ... go figure.
Folks, friendly texts and emails are called "communication." I realize that the mind can become so warped by PUA theories and cockiness that a man could entirely lose his sanity and begin to see anything and everything as an indication of interest (IOI) or even an indication of obsession (IOO, I made that one up).
Not so. Once again, in the non-PUA world, we call this communication. We call this friendliness.
And finally, what is perhaps most aggravating is the man so full of himself that, even when told straight out and bluntly that the woman is just being friendly, nonetheless refuses to believe that, in fact, she is just being friendly and would like to be friends. Thus, no matter how many times he is told that said woman is not romantically or sexually interested in him, he continues to insist that she is.
At that point, I just give up. It's then tempting for me to blow all of this way over the top and pretend in fact to be obsessed with him.
"Oh, John, I just can't get enough of you. Will you please stick your hot hard boner into me now? Oh, please, John..."
Well, you get the idea. And, yes, this post was written with certain particular individuals in mind, one of whom is a famous PUA and another who just fancies himself to be. You know who you are. Get a grip ... please.
I'm not infatuated with *anyone* right now. For all you logical minds out there, if you are reading this, that means I am *not* infatuated with you, no matter how much you are "assuming it's on."
(Not that I couldn't be talked into getting turned on, but it's certainly not going to happen with a man who can't get over himself.)
Phew. I feel better now. Thank you, Blogger. :)
I feel really annoyed when (some) men assume that if a woman sends them a friendly text message or email, this is a sign of sexual interest.
If that were true, then I would be lining up my sexual partners for the next five years because I have a LOT of male friends.
It is particularly aggravating when the recipient of said text or email proceeds to "react" (and, yes, this is reactive) as if the female sender of the message is romantically or sexually obsessed with him. Thus, he does any of the following (a) alerts other women in his life of the text or email, (b) fans the flames of jealousy in the other women, and then, classically, in one case (c) complains to me that the other woman or women in his life are now jealous and worried about my communication. Hmmm ... go figure.
Folks, friendly texts and emails are called "communication." I realize that the mind can become so warped by PUA theories and cockiness that a man could entirely lose his sanity and begin to see anything and everything as an indication of interest (IOI) or even an indication of obsession (IOO, I made that one up).
Not so. Once again, in the non-PUA world, we call this communication. We call this friendliness.
And finally, what is perhaps most aggravating is the man so full of himself that, even when told straight out and bluntly that the woman is just being friendly, nonetheless refuses to believe that, in fact, she is just being friendly and would like to be friends. Thus, no matter how many times he is told that said woman is not romantically or sexually interested in him, he continues to insist that she is.
At that point, I just give up. It's then tempting for me to blow all of this way over the top and pretend in fact to be obsessed with him.
"Oh, John, I just can't get enough of you. Will you please stick your hot hard boner into me now? Oh, please, John..."
Well, you get the idea. And, yes, this post was written with certain particular individuals in mind, one of whom is a famous PUA and another who just fancies himself to be. You know who you are. Get a grip ... please.
I'm not infatuated with *anyone* right now. For all you logical minds out there, if you are reading this, that means I am *not* infatuated with you, no matter how much you are "assuming it's on."
(Not that I couldn't be talked into getting turned on, but it's certainly not going to happen with a man who can't get over himself.)
Phew. I feel better now. Thank you, Blogger. :)
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Sex: the Electric Fence
Someone sent me a text message asking how I reconcile the last two posts (transmuting karma and tandem sarging).
Easy. Either it's the same guy for both, or it'll be tandem sarging with last minute resistance (LMR), my specialty. There's a lot to be said for cuddling and hanging out without doing the deed.
On that note, I have pretty much come back around to the view I had a year ago: I have accepted that sex and Erika simply do not mix.
For me, sex is kinda like an electric fence. Fascinating to look at, terrifying to touch. I feel like I get shocked every time I go too close.
I know exactly how to get myself out of this quagmire: be with a guy who realizes that when we have sex, I'm going to have a shock/trauma response, and who is willing to be present enough and stable enough to help me become desensitized to the stimulus.
Does such a man exist? He would be giving me the greatest gift of my life. I would also be giving him the greatest gift of his life. Among other things, my access to the subtle realms creates a whole new level of connection and intimacy that most people have never yet experienced.
But I do not know if there is any man out there who has the kind of emotional strength I am talking about. A man who has the presence and strength to help me transmute the electric fence into a veil and a whisper so we can walk through it to each other.
(And, yes, I realize that nothing outside myself will save me. I'm articulating my vision of the man I want to be with so that my inner self will have the clarity and awareness to match that vision.)
**********************
Speaking of which, I have been reflecting a lot on Gayla's concern about the statement "we are not responsible for each other's feelings." At one level, I do still believe this is a helpful statement. All of us are coming together with past karma that triggers feelings in us, and it's not helpful to feel guilty about someone else's feelings or blame someone for our own. But at another level, we are all responsible for everyone's feelings. Deep down, we know the kinds of things that are going to trigger pain for other people -- dishonesty, for example.
How rewarding it would be if all of us reached deeper inside ourselves to find ways to spread gentleness and help each other.
And as for a potential partner, you better believe I expect him to stay present with me and cherish my feelings until I feel better. If I'm in pain, I don't expect him to "fix" it, but I definitely expect compassion and his best efforts to give me what I want and need. Wouldn't he want the same from me? How else can we possibly have a solid and meaningful relationship?
Help wanted: Karma transmuting partner
On a slightly more serious note than yesterday ... after spending the past few years transmuting my karma in pretty much every other area of my life ... the final frontier awaits: sex.
It seems pretty clear based on my experiences over the past six years that I've got some pretty messed up karma in this area. As long as I don't get sexually involved with a guy, our relationship will be enduring, and he may very well want to marry me. If I do get sexually involved, things have tended to become volatile. And I don't like it :( When I'm involved with a guy, the friendship is more important to me than anything else, so volatility that undermines the friendship is not my idea of a good thing. I'm ready to be finished with this pattern forever.
In other areas of my life, the way I've transmuted the karma is to put myself in a series of increasingly intense situations, become present with the feelings and thoughts that come up, apply Emotional Freedom Technique and my other spiritual modalities, and finally become liberated.
I'm open to the possibility that, on the way to being with my permanent partner, perhaps it would be helpful to have a karma transmuting partner. This would be someone who is able to seduce me (a challenge in and of itself ;-) and emotionally strong enough to commit ahead of time to being friends NO MATTER WHAT.
This means he knows he can handle it when the pain body arises, and I'm not always present enough to communicate non-violently. He is strong enough to hear anger, blame, despair, and be pushed away ... without taking it personally, recognizing it's just energy that needs to be released within a space of deep trust. He's willing to make a commitment to stick with me through all of that no matter how intense it gets.
The rewards here would be immense, not only because of the deep friendship aspects of this, but also because the way I've been learning to play with energy and energetic transfer, I have no doubt the intimacy could be out of this world. Literally.
If you think you have what it takes to be a karma transmuting partner, then please email me.
It seems pretty clear based on my experiences over the past six years that I've got some pretty messed up karma in this area. As long as I don't get sexually involved with a guy, our relationship will be enduring, and he may very well want to marry me. If I do get sexually involved, things have tended to become volatile. And I don't like it :( When I'm involved with a guy, the friendship is more important to me than anything else, so volatility that undermines the friendship is not my idea of a good thing. I'm ready to be finished with this pattern forever.
In other areas of my life, the way I've transmuted the karma is to put myself in a series of increasingly intense situations, become present with the feelings and thoughts that come up, apply Emotional Freedom Technique and my other spiritual modalities, and finally become liberated.
I'm open to the possibility that, on the way to being with my permanent partner, perhaps it would be helpful to have a karma transmuting partner. This would be someone who is able to seduce me (a challenge in and of itself ;-) and emotionally strong enough to commit ahead of time to being friends NO MATTER WHAT.
This means he knows he can handle it when the pain body arises, and I'm not always present enough to communicate non-violently. He is strong enough to hear anger, blame, despair, and be pushed away ... without taking it personally, recognizing it's just energy that needs to be released within a space of deep trust. He's willing to make a commitment to stick with me through all of that no matter how intense it gets.
The rewards here would be immense, not only because of the deep friendship aspects of this, but also because the way I've been learning to play with energy and energetic transfer, I have no doubt the intimacy could be out of this world. Literally.
If you think you have what it takes to be a karma transmuting partner, then please email me.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Help wanted: Tandem Sarging Partner
Now that I'm feeling happy again, and also a teensy bit bored, it's time to shake things up a bit. I'm also feeling inspired by the fact that Johnny Soporno's Porn Convention bootcamp is just around the corner. We had so much fun last year! This is not a beginner's bootcamp. This is some of the sexiest men in the world gathering together to become even sexier. I am very excited :)
Meanwhile, I would like to manifest a Tandem Sarging Partner. I am therefore calling upon the Genie of the Universe, my official sugar daddy, who loves giving me *exactly* what I want :)
Here are the requirements:
When: Now. Or in January in Vegas at Johnny's workshop.
Who: You must be already qualified, which means *experienced*, and willing to teach me (I'm a quick learner).
Where: You must be in San Francisco or willing to travel here (though Vegas the weekend of Johnny's workshop would be fine as well).
How: We will be unstoppably sexy :)
If you are fully qualified, and would like to apply, please email me at erika.awakening@gmail.com.
I'm ready to have some fun and get inspired for January :)
****************
God, I love my blog. This post has only been up for a few minutes, and I've already got applicants. Keep those applications coming, guys. Let's make December the merriest month EVER. :) Lol :)
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Erika's Financial Aid Program: Tap for Cash
I mentioned the concept of "tapping for cash" on Barry Kirkey's show last night ...
For those who have the limiting belief that they cannot afford my coaching, please go here to the Spiritual Seduction site for my new Financial Aid program.
I'm not going to give you the fish, but I will teach you how to fish.
Please note that I only accept extremely committed and motivated clients nowadays (you can read about my coaching programs here). I don't feel very inspired when people say they can't afford something and are not willing to take the basic steps to change that situation. So if you're struggling financially, your willingness to follow through on this exercise is an indicator of our compatibility for a coaching relationship :)
Email me at erika.awakening@gmail.com to inquire about my coaching programs or to propose a custom coaching package tailored just for you.
For those who have the limiting belief that they cannot afford my coaching, please go here to the Spiritual Seduction site for my new Financial Aid program.
I'm not going to give you the fish, but I will teach you how to fish.
Please note that I only accept extremely committed and motivated clients nowadays (you can read about my coaching programs here). I don't feel very inspired when people say they can't afford something and are not willing to take the basic steps to change that situation. So if you're struggling financially, your willingness to follow through on this exercise is an indicator of our compatibility for a coaching relationship :)
Email me at erika.awakening@gmail.com to inquire about my coaching programs or to propose a custom coaching package tailored just for you.
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