Sunday, February 7, 2010
Don't Quit When You Are On the Verge of Success - 3 Ways to Avoid Being Sabotaged By the Ego Mind
This is a theme I've noticed a lot over the past year.
Does this sound like you?
You have come to the seduction community, or the Law of Attraction community, or the tapping community, or to any self-improvement community of any kind because you are frustrated with your life. Maybe it's your love life, maybe it's your financial life, maybe it's because you don't have a life passion and purpose. Whatever area of your life it is that is not working, you desperately want transformation.
You know you were not meant to be a man who has no sexual choice when it comes to women.
You know you were not meant to be a woman who attracts "toxic men."
You know you were not meant to be broke and overwhelmed by debt.
You know you were not meant to have conflict-ridden, abusive relationships.
You know you were not meant to wander aimlessly through this world, feeling bored a lot of the time, frustrated the rest of the time, and not knowing what your purpose here is.
So you sought out "solutions" and "advice," and after sorting through a lot of well-meaning programs and e-books that didn't work at all (there are a lot of them out there), maybe you found something that DID start to work. For example, maybe you finally found tapping. Or meditation. Or truly transformative coaching.
You started to see some benefits. Maybe you had some success with women for once in your life. Maybe cash started to come into your life from out of nowhere.
You started to think, "wow, finally this is actually working." You got your hopes up that maybe you weren't hopelessly stuck in your old reality.
And then something happened. A bunch of old fears jumped into your mind. Maybe you found yourself feeling VERY uncomfortable. Maybe you found yourself wanting to lash out at people or blame someone. Maybe you thought of a hundred excuses not to move forward. Maybe your progress came to a standstill, or you even took a few steps backwards. Maybe the situation you wanted to improve seemingly got WORSE.
When that happened, did you quit?
This is the all-important choice point, my dear friends. This is the moment of truth.
The truth is that no matter how much we WANT transformation in our lives ... Yes, we want sexual abundance, intimacy abundance, financial abundance. We want to have a life purpose so powerful that the line between work and play becomes meaningless, and everything feels like play.
No matter how much we want those things, no matter how much we have dreamed about having them, no matter how much we have invested in transforming ourselves ... just when we start to GO THERE, to have what we want, to get a taste for how things could be, the EGO MIND gets VERY scared.
Whether it's a relationship, a coaching program, moving to a new place, or some other radical shift in your life ... all too frequently ... the ego mind will tell you to quit EXACTLY at the moment when you are on the verge of success.
Why? Because the moment just before success can feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable. Sure, you wanted change, but are you really ready for it? When you have a million dollars in the bank, or an awesome relationship, EVERYTHING is going to change.
And the ego mind doesn't want that. It wants to preserve its small, anemic, "safe," reality. The ego mind sees true transformation as the death of its identity.
So it will try to talk you into quitting. And its reasons will sound very "logical" and convincing. The ego will talk you into breaking up with someone or into doing something that will trigger that person to break up with you. The ego will convince you to leave an amazing workshop mid-way through because you're "not getting your money's worth." It will convince you that you "can't afford" a workshop or program. It will tell you that the harsh criticism you just attracted from the outside world is "true," and that you really don't have what it takes to succeed, or that it's not worth the effort. And -- perhaps most devious of all -- when uncomfortable feelings get triggered, such as grief, rage, or irritability, the ego will talk you into blaming the other person and writing him or her off. Thus giving all of your power away.
All too often in my coaching I have seen a person get VERY uncomfortable, or a situation seemingly get WORSE, exactly at the moment when the person is about to have a MAJOR breakthrough to a new level of sexual success, intimacy, social success, or financial success. This often happens right around session number three, exactly when we are delving deep into the heart of the issue.
If you allow it to, the ego mind will persuade you to quit. This is your moment of truth. If you refuse to listen to the ego mind, if you stay committed, and if you stay present through all the discomfort that is being brought to the surface, you just may find yourself launched into a whole new AWESOME reality.
The moral of the story is this:
If you truly want transformation, DO NOT BE DECEIVED by the ego mind. It does not have your greater interests at heart.
Here are three ways I've developed to avoid being SABOTAGED by the ego mind.
1. Manage your own expectations.
If you are embarking on anything new and exciting, such as a new relationship or a new coaching program or a new path, PREPARE YOURSELF AHEAD OF TIME for the ego's pattern of sabotaging you exactly when you're about to succeed. When you understand how the ego works, you'll be less likely to go unconscious and heed its antics when you find yourself on the verge of a breakthrough. You'll be able to stay present through the uncomfortable feelings until you come out on the other side.
2. Learn to hear the difference between the ego and your higher self.
There are two voices in your head. The nagging, critical, loud and blaming voice of the ego mind. And the quiet, steady, intuitive wisdom of your higher self. Practice listening to the voices in your head until you can really hear the difference. Until you've become very practiced at hearing the difference, it can be easy to mistake the ego's voice for intuition. With practice, though, it becomes easy to tell them apart. Which voice you choose to follow will make ALL THE DIFFERENCE between a mediocre life and an AWESOME life.
(You can also tap away the egoic voice so thoroughly that it is rarely ever heard from anymore (this is what I do for myself and my clients, and it feels SO AMAZING when the ego's voice has finally been silenced -- to learn more go here).)
3. Make a commitment and stick with it.
There's a reason why I have changed my coaching program to all long-term programs, and that is that I have recognized the enormous power of commitment. Having a coach by your side every step of the way can be SO helpful for disarming the ego's attempts to derail your progress. It's usually right around the third session working with someone that they start to get deep enough into an issue to have their deepest fears triggered and start having doubts. But because we have both made a commitment ahead of time that we are not going to let the ego sabotage our efforts, we are able to work through that transitional discomfort -- and that's when the big breakthroughs and quantum leaps start happening!
I have started doing the same thing with my relationships, talking right at the beginning about how -- as we go deeper into intimacy -- we are both likely to have strong feelings get triggered. I like to have a mutual commitment ahead of time that we are going to stay connected through those feelings, and the rewards of this are HUGE. No matter how uncomfortable things might get in the short-term, relationships lived under this model are SO transformative and lead to quantum leaps in our capacity for intimacy and our spiritual growth. :)
"All of your relationships are total commitments."
Here's the takeaway for today: If you really want transformation in any area of your life, make a solid commitment today, prepare yourself for what the ego mind might do to derail your commitment, and make a solemn promise to yourself to stick to your commitment no matter what. No excuses.
I look forward to hearing about the radical breakthroughs that come to you when you make this commitment ... because they will start happening :)
I call them miracles. Miracles are your birthright.
If you enjoyed this article and would like to try out my coaching, please sign up for my half price introductory session right now.
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Thanks for reading, I'll talk to you soon. :)